Archive for June, 2010

Having Him Home

Posted: June 29, 2010 in Rantings

This last little while, with The Boyfriend being done work, have worked incredibly in my sexual favor. I’ve had more sex in the last two weeks than I have in probably close to 2 months. From the triple orgasm night, to shower sex, I’ve been having a great time sexually. Too bad everything else right now sucks, but enough about that…

So the shower night sex. So much fun!!! Rarely do we both go for a shower, though The Boyfriend’s more likely to take one if I’m going with him. We normally hold pretty steady to one position in the shower, just for comforts sake. Again, I have bad knees so we can’t do anything wild and crazy, especially not on slippery surfaces. Generally we stick to me bent over and him taking me from behind.

After so long like that, we decided to switch it up, and he turned me to face him. I think he wanted to hold me close, but I wanted to watch him and I wanted him to watch me and I wanted to be able to put my leg up. So I leaned back and put my leg up, and after so long he stopped trying to pull me closer to him. I watched as he came, and I thought it was so cute how bashful he looked.

Then I sat down at the back of the bathtub, while he stood underneath the shower facing away from me, his amazingly sexy butt shaking in my face as he washed his hair and I frantically rubbed my pussy. Then it became a game for him, after his hair was all rinsed. He’d wiggle his butt, and then he’d move from side to side so that the water would spray against my pussy. Of course, being a bathtub tap masturbator, I very much enjoyed it. (FYI- it’s not a situation of, if I had a hand held shower head I would use that for masturbation. I prefer the strength of the bathtub tap and the position. I can go hands free and play with my boobs or spread my pussy lips apart, and I love to grab my hips!)

It took until the water got cold before I finally came, and he just playfully squirmed about in front of me, water dripping from his balls. It was incredibly sexy and I loved watching him like that. Then we laid down to go to sleep, and we were both gushing about the great shower sex we had just had and I say (as I normally do), “Tell me something interesting…”

Well, earlier in the day we had been at Bower Ponds. I’ve been having some major issues as some of you know where image is concerned. And everyday it seems to get worse and worse. This particular day had been a horrible day. The one pair of pants that I have, that fits comfortably, still hadn’t been dried yet. All the other pants I had that were dry and clean, would fit me around my waist, if I could only get them up over my thigh/hip/ass area. I wasn’t about to wear shorts, because I have some naughty words carved into my skin (my own doing…), so I was forced, for comforts sake, to wear The Boyfriend’s shorts, the only pair of bottoms of his that fit me outside of boxers.

When it comes to shirts, that’s where I have the most problems. I finally, after years of begging and pleading for them, have breasts that I’m pretty proud of. I think they sound bigger than they look, but I think they look just fine. I’d still like them to be up higher and more centered on my chest, but us long torso girls aren’t naturally blessed with that. *shakes fist in the air* So I want to wear shirts that show off the curves of my boobs. But I don’t want anything that’s tight on my stomach at all. I don’t want you to be able to tell that I look like I’m still pregnant.

Needless to say, I was pretty uncomfortable with my overall look for the day. So of course, it’s summertime. Which means every girl is wearing practically nothing. When I see skinny girls wearing practically nothing, and I know that any guy would love to see that, I get insecure. But it’s even worse when I see these women who are larger than I currently am, and they seem to have less image issues, having no problems wearing short shorts or tank tops, and here I am in my baggy pants and covering up as much of myself as I can, I just feel downright stupid.

So then we go down to the river, and a raft of girls and guys scantily clad all pull up. Buddy hands The Boyfriend a camera and asks if he could take a picture. Girl in skanky bathing suit gets up into a sexy pose, and The Boyfriend innocently takes a picture. It seriously upset me. And I just kept getting angrier and angrier at myself. By the time we got home, I just wanted to curl up into a ball. I’ve realized with time though, that the key is confidence. Now it’s just a matter of figuring out how to become confident…

Things had been mentioned all throughout that day about me not feeling very sexy or whatever. So when I asked The Boyfriend to tell me something interesting, he said something along the lines of, “I really do think your sexy!” and I said something like “The problem is, I don’t believe you. I just don’t get why.” I wanted to go into the “I hope she’s not chunky” porn comment, and the fact that he only thinks I’m sexy because we’re in a relationship and I’m the mother of his child. If I was just some random woman walking down the street, he wouldn’t think twice of  me. Probably wouldn’t even look in my direction. And if he did, he’d make a face and decide that I definitely wasn’t his type. And I wanted him to tell me I was wrong, and go off about all the things that he really truly thinks is sexy on me, and how he wishes that I would just believe him because he truly does think it. But instead, I chickened out and I just threw up my hands and said in a defeated voice, “I don’t want to talk about it!” Of course, he thinks that’s seriously my limit, so he just stops, even though sometimes I wish he’d push harder.

I don’t feel like I can just openly talk to him about all of it. Because I don’t even completely understand it myself. Logically, I know better. This is a huge problem for me in life. I know how it all works, logically. But then my emotions get in the way and cloud all of my logical reasoning. Then there’s the whole issue of saying this all out loud to someone else. It just sounds that much more irrational out loud. At least on paper or on the web, I can make it sound kind of poetic, but out loud it just sounds retarded.

I keep telling him I want him to read my blog, but he won’t because he’s afraid I’m saying mean stuff about him. I don’t personally think that I am. And I’m wondering what post it was and on what blog it was that he started thinking that.

Then last night was another fun night. I didn’t really think anything was going to happen when we first went to bed. Almost immediately after getting comfy in bed, his hand was on top of my pants, and seconds after that my hand was wrapped around his cock. Few more seconds and my pants were off. He was already naked.

I was much wetter than I thought I had been. He played with me right up until I came. It came on fast, and I had no idea it was coming. Then wham! Quickly, he was on top of me, and after a few adjustments, he was cumming. It was quick, fun, and somehow still passionate. We spent awhile, again gushing about the great sex, and then we fell peacefully asleep.

I’m hoping in the near future, he’ll either use the flogger on me or let me use the flogger on him. A spanking would be nice too…

YAY for Orgasms!!

Posted: June 26, 2010 in Rantings

Somehow, for the first time in a seriously long time, The Boyfriend and I managed to get away with having sex twice yesterday. Once in the early evening, when all the kids were down in their rooms and again late at night. And for the first time ever, I orgasmed three times!!!

I had said that I wasn’t going to have sex with him or even touch him or show him affection until he said or did something to make me feel like he desired me. He never really truly did do that. Except for by showing interest in sex, once it seemed possible.

We had been watching a movie on TV, and for some reason I was incredibly turned on. And it just seemed to keep increasing and my desire for him was getting stronger and stronger. I’ve not been bleeding or wearing underwear for seven days now, and by the sixth day of no sex and no bleeding, I was just incredibly horny.

After both of us getting our pants wet with our juices, while we were playing with each other, we both took off our pants. I figured we’d just jump into some sex having, especially being that we were pressed for time. But instead, he disappears under the blanket, and I feel his hard, warm, wet tongue lapping at my pussy.

By this point, I had spent the last 2 or 3 hours feeling completely horny, so it was no time at all before I was saying, “I’m gonna cum!”. One of the things that surprises me about orgasms with The Boyfriend is that I’m able to be penetrated after a clitoral orgasm. With other boyfriends, it would hurt alot. With him, though it feels amazing.

He’s able to get in there at the exact right moment where it’s still alot of lubrication from me, and not just his cum. He penetrates gently and carefully, but quickly. And somehow it continues to feel amazing, and normally by the time he’s cum, I’m ready to go for another orgasm, though we normally don’t because we’re both too exhausted by that point.

So we had sex until he came and then we both just sat in amazement of the great early evening sex. I had told him to “Tell me something interesting…”. I’ve told him before that when I say this I want him to say something sweet about me or us. But continually throughout the years, everytime I say tell me something interesting, I normally get a fact about a video game or warcraft, or I find out about something that’s being released. After he finally figures something out, he normally says the same back to me.

After our first sex session, and my saying, “Tell me something interesting…”, he says “Tell me something interesting…”. A long pause and he says something along the lines of, “It’s not as easy as it seems.” I rolled my eyes and half-snarled back, “It’s not that it’s hard for me. I could very easily come up with a few interesting things to say. I don’t want to say anything nice about you or us, because you never say anything nice about me or us. And everything else I have to say that’s interesting is bitchy and mean.” He went completely silent and that was the last real talk we had about that…

So the night goes on normally. We have an interesting conversation about The Big Bang Theory and time travel. Then he starts rubbing my legs, which I had been showing last night in celebration of my lack of underwear. I was sitting on the couch and he was sitting on the floor between my legs. He’d reach up behind him and just very gently run his fingers across my leg.

As he got higher and higher up my leg, the more staggered my breathing became. Then he touched my wet pussy, and I grabbed his hair and we spent a good 5 or 10 minutes of him rubbing up and down my leg and then touching my pussy, me grabbing frantically at his hair the entire time.

He came and sat next to me on the couch, and within minutes of some side-by-side masturbation, he had me cumming for the second time at his hand. For some reason the orgasm felt super intense vaginally. I felt like my PC muscle was spasming out of control and I could feel my clit tighten and then slowly go back to normal. I could literally feel the blood pumping through my lips. Then he said, “Lay on your back so I can see you!”

Even though we pretty much spent the entirety of this sex session barely looking at each other, his dick felt incredibly pointy. You’d think that it would be uncomfortable, it sounds it. But at that moment, it felt so incredibly intense. Exhaustion has clearly crept up on both of us by this point, and he was having a hard time getting his footing as he fucked me on the couch, but after only a few deep strokes of this awesome pointy feeling within my pussy, I was cumming again all over his cock, which doesn’t happen nearly often enough.

Within minutes, he was cumming hard for the second time that day and I had cum three times. We went straight to bed. The only part of the night that sucked at all after that, was when he had kind of asked what’s been up these last couple of days, because I’ve just been generally pissy. I told him he’d have to read my blog, because I’m not really comfortable talking about my image issues out loud. He said he’s afraid to read my blog because of the mean things that I might be writing about him.

I tried to say that I wasn’t writing mean things about him, but apparently I have in the past. I wanted to just be further bitchy and say something like, “I wish someone cared enough about me to write about me on the internet. I’d be flattered…”, but instead I just brushed it off and rolled over. Within minutes, we were both fast asleep.

I forgot how much fun it was to have sex more than once in a day though!

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CherriesThis Week’s Questions

  1. Would you rather have quick sex OR very long sex (don’t include foreplay!)?
  2. Would you rather you orgasm every time, OR your partner orgasming every time (only one of you gets to cum)?
  3. Would you rather have a super intense and completely meaningless sex session OR an average, intimate and deeply personal sex session?
  4. Would you rather have more foreplay and less sex OR less foreplay and more sex?
  5. Would you rather roll over and fall asleep after sex OR take a shower and then cuddle?

Would you rather dirty talk such as, “I love your tight/big pussy/cock. I’m gonna fuck you/pound me because you’re/I’m such a whore!” OR soft, gentle and romantic talk such as, “You are the most wonderful person in the world. I love that you do this. I want you so bad.”?


  • Each week, for Wednesday, you post answers to the five questions that are posted. You may answer all, or only one or two of the questions. You can post in whichever format works for you, be it video, poetry, answers, pictures or audio.
  • Insert the WTMFI Wednesdays image at the top of this post (get instructions here) into your post, linking back to The Rantings of a Tortured Mind – XXX Rated Edition at
  • Leave a link to your post with the answered questions in the comments section of Wednesday’s WTMFI post. There is a special page for all the links that are submitted, so be sure to submit your links.
  • Have Fun!!!! (more…)
  • Last night, The Boyfriend and I were so lucky. My Mom took the kids overnight, and we got to go out, just the two of us. It rarely happens, so you can imagine the relief we both felt.

    I had mentioned a fire pit event that I was interested in going to, hosted by BUD for the Bodies Under Domination group of FetLife. His was also the first munch I ever successfully attended. There was also a munch today that I was hoping to go to, but no babysitter unfortunately.

    The Boyfriend basically said that it would be cool to go, but made no strides in doing so. Yesterday, we went to the exercise park with the kids and my Mom came outside with us, so without even consulting The Boyfriend, I just asked if she would watch the kids so that I could go to the fire pit. I had made the decision by that point that I was going, regardless of his decision.

    But then, he seemed excited about it and we spent the next two hours rushing around getting the kids and ourselves ready to go. Then we went out to the fire pit. There was only two others there besides The Boyfriend and I. But it ended up working out so much in our favor that it didn’t even matter.

    After sitting out at the fire pit, just shooting the shit, we got into my favorite parts of the conversation. One thing lead to another, and one of the people is pulling out a bag of toys. So we head inside, set up a table, and lay out a huge duffle bag full of toys.

    From long 24″ leather floggers, to crops and canes and even shoes and over-sized fly swatter, I just sat mesmerized. Both The Boyfriend and I were just staring in amazement at the delights that laid before us. Then came the touching. Each toy was picked up, carefully inspected. After I was done looking at anything, I’d hand it to The Boyfriend, and he’d inspect it.

    Then I asked a question about flogging, and next thing you know, guy with bag is standing there while BUD shows me on him how to do some basic flogging swings. Then, the most exciting part happened. BUD tells me, just try to hit him with it. I had picked out a 24″ Red and Black Leather flogger. I was incredibly nervous.

    This person wasn’t my boyfriend, I had just met him that night, and I was so flustered and giddy. But I got a few good swings in (very gentle swings, but good technique), and it was a very good educational experience. I learnt ALOT!!!! Then I got to try out this really awesome slapper that The Boyfriend and I are both seriously wanting.

    The Boyfriend stood in the background, carefully watching me. I was so nervous that he’d be upset that I was flogging someone else, and I didn’t even think to ask him if he was okay with it until I had already started. When we left, he said that he just felt very excited for me. I felt very excited too.

    After some practicing with the flogger, and getting tons of really usefully tips, and playing with a slapper, we went back out to the pit and talked some more. Then The Boyfriend came home. The night, from that point on, was filled with more communication than I ever think we’ve experienced together.

    On the way home, we mostly talked about the entire experience of the night. He shared what he thought and felt, and I just kept thinking that he sounded so into it. Then I asked, completely outright without any type of insecurity involved, if I looked good wielding a big flogger, to which I got a speedy “Yes”.

    So we stopped at one of The Boyfriend’s friends houses, and a Chris Rock special was on the Comedy Network. He was telling a joke about once a guy has sex that he likes, he always wants his sex like that. Something to do with girls licking anus‘. To which The Boyfriend’s friend was overwhelming disgusted. This friend and I are both very stubborn people. I’m stubborn in my open-mindedness and acceptance of thing, and he’s stubborn in his close-mindedness. So we get into a mini argument about why he wouldn’t even consider letting a girl go anywhere near his ass.

    So on the remainder of the drive home, The Boyfriend and I were mostly talking about anal play with males. I’m kind of known for being that girl that introduces guys to that whole thing. With every boyfriend I’ve had up to this point in my life, I’m the one that suggests a finger in the ass for them, and I’m the one to do it. I even have an entire technique and system.

    And it’s not like I’m some pervert obsessed with ass play type deal. It is purely this rule that I have about sexual acts in general. You can’t ever say that you don’t like something without trying it first. Anatomically, the male G-spot is against his prostate gland, which can only be accessed via perineum stimulation and anal penetration. I haven’t personally found my own G-spot, but if it feels as good as people say it does, than why would anyone not want to experience it?

    The trick is to warm a guy up to it. And they sure as hell aren’t going to let you do it to them, if they don’t get to do it to you. This may be completely different for older people, in a kinkier world. But in my young, mostly vanilla world, you have to receive to be allowed to give, and vice versa.

    I tend to love to play with balls, it’s just one of my things. Balls and pre-cum, I can’t get enough of it. I’d probably make a pretty good guy 😉 So when I decide that we’re finally at a point in the relationship, where he trusts me with his body (basically, if he’ll let you tie him up or cover his eyes, then you’re probably okay to give it a try), I’ll begin playing with his balls. I’ll reach as low as I can, and take both balls in my hands. Slowly I make my way to his perineum, just very gently touching it.

    Then you apply a little bit of pressure. It’s always great in that area to keep your finger flat against his perineum, that way there’s less of a chance of scratching anything with nails. Generally, it’s a very gradual thing. I think once you decide that you really want to get a finger in your boyfriend’s butt, you should take your time and slowly build up to it. You don’t want him freaking out about it, and telling you know. You’d rather him tell you that he’s ready for it. This could take a couple of days, a couple of months or years.

    Guys that I know and have successfully penetrated anally, are normally not into the idea of it at all. Prior to meeting me, they had never really had a desire to have anything in their anus. Exit only type of people. Most times, I don’t ask them or discuss it with them, I just ease them into the idea of it with simple techniques until eventually they grab the lube an ask for it themselves.

    It normally takes me a minimum of three serious “I’m into it” sessions, before the big first penetration session. He’s oblivious to the fact that I have any interest in it. So the first time, I grab his balls and lift them up, just gently running the flat of my finger from the bottom of his balls to his perineum just a little bit and very gently. The next session, I’ll rub his balls and slowly move until my finger is mostly on his perineum, gently rubbing in a circular motion. On the third time, I cover his entire perineum with my finger, and as I rub in a circular motion, I gently dip the tip of my finger just where it’s touching his anus. Do that a few more times, and soon after that, it will be when you least expect it, he’ll whisper in your ear and next thing you know, you’ll be gently working your way into his anus.

    My top rules are always always always use lube. There is never a time when you enter someone’s anus that you shouldn’t be using lube. The anus has no natural lubrication, and the friction can cause tearing, which can cause even more problems. Another rule is to go very gently to start out with. You don’t want the person to clench up and potentially tear or cause other damage.

    So far, I have found two very specific things to do that seems to be of great enjoyment, though would love any suggestions if you have any. As I’m normally on the bottom, and he’s normally on top, and we’re normally having sex at the point of penetration, I can really only give suggestions on that position, though I’m sure if you mixed it up more you could do some other great things.

    When he’s pumping in and out of me quickly, I tend to just flick my finger back and forth. Then when he slows, gently pulling my finger back and forth. I try to never let my finger come out of his ass, because I know from my own anal explorations that once it’s out it’s very hard for me to get to the point where I’m okay with it going back in. Also the closer you get to the outside of his anus, the more he’s going to tighten up, and again you don’t want to be pushing back inside him while he’s all clenched. So just slow and gentle movements. When he wants it harder, he’ll push against your finger. I don’t even think they do it on purpose, I think it’s just the bodies reaction to it.

    I wasn’t planning on going off about that so much… But it was basically what I told The Boyfriend. I’m the vanilla male anal breaker 😉

    So after hours of communicating, talking about what we both seem to like and dislike about various aspects of BDSM, story-telling and more, we had planned to play games, but then everything just ended up turning sexual.

    We had sex with the lights on for the first time in months! I felt incredibly uncomfortable, but at the same time I was so excited about the fact that I could be as noisy as I wanted, that I hardly even noticed. My favorite thing about having the light on, is I could tell every single time he looked at me. I’ve always loved that about sex. That exchange. I feel like we connect on a very deep level when we’re fucking each other, and then just slow down and stare into each others eyes. Even when we’re having rough, crazy, dirty sex it feels so intimate and passionate.

    After what felt like a long time, but was less than 30 minutes, The Boyfriend came and once we cleaned up a little, it was my turn to cum. He was rubbing my legs as I rhythmically played with my clit. After awhile of this he finally put his finger in my pussy, and within seconds I was cumming, my entire body clenching frantically. We fell asleep almost immediately after that, him holding me and me holding him.

    Last night was an incredible night. From the amazing, educational fire pit, to the intimate and loud sex, I can’t wait for more nights like that!

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    WTMFI Wednesdays Button

    “And I Will Always Love You”

    CherriesThis Week’s Questions

    1. How did you and your partner meet? Did you know immediately that they were the one for you? How long after you met did you start dating?
    2. What’s your favorite thing that your partner does? What’s your least favorite thing that your partner does?
    3. What’s something you wish your partner would do more of, either sexually or non-sexually, or both?
    4. What’s everyone’s thoughts on PDA’s (Public Displays of Affection)?
    5. What’s the kinkiest thing you have done with your partner?

    Are you forever kind of people and believe that you are going to be together for the rest of your lives? Or are you more of a live by the moment type of couple, and you’ll see what each coming day is like?


  • Each week, for Wednesday, you post answers to the five questions that are posted. You may answer all, or only one or two of the questions. You can post in whichever format works for you, be it video, poetry, answers, pictures or audio.
  • Insert the WTMFI Wednesdays image at the top of this post (get instructions here) into your post, linking back to The Rantings of a Tortured Mind – XXX Rated Edition at
  • Leave a link to your post with the answered questions in the comments section of Wednesday’s WTMFI post. There is a special page for all the links that are submitted, so be sure to submit your links.
  • Have Fun!!!!
  • (more…)

    So I had this idea today, as I was surfing around FetLife today, which is at least a weekly occurrence (more if someone comments on my pictures/writings/status updates or sends me a message). And I started thinking that it would be cool to post all my favorite things from FetLife to a blog or to FetLife.

    So my question to you is, how many of my readers actually use FetLife? If you do, what do you think of putting all my favorite FetLife content up on this blog as like a weekly special? If you don’t use FetLife, well, why aren’t you on FetLife?

    Leave me your comments or e-mail me at I’ll also be posting this question on Twitter, so you can leave me your answers there as well.

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    I hate that I have such a problem with The Boyfriend being sexual without me. From porn to masturbating, I have such a problem with him watching or doing either of those things, without me. It shouldn’t bug me.

    I’m the most accepting person I know of the fact that we are all sexual beings with sexual needs and desires. I understand watching porn or masturbating. And yet, just the idea of The Boyfriend masturbating while I’m not there, makes me automatically angry.

    For some reason, I’ve been having trust issues with The Boyfriend. He hasn’t done anything at all to deserve it. If anyone has any rights to trust issues, it’s him, not me. And yet I’m almost always saying to him, “I don’t trust you”, especially in all sorts of sexual areas. From did he watch porn (which he hasn’t, and if he has he’s done a spectacular job of hiding it), to is he enjoying having sex with me.

    I think it’s partially this immature thought that just because I don’t watch porn or masturbate unless he’s there, that he should just do the same. And that’s unfair for me to ask for. Especially being that guys normally watch porn and masturbate for different reasons than girls do – or at least that’s my theory. I just wish I could figure out the cause of the anger so that I could work towards getting over it.

    Today he asks how late Alfie stayed over last night. I don’t ever lie to him about when Alfie was here, because I need to earn back the trust that I lost, and honesty is the number one step to that. I know it bothers him more than anything when Alfie comes over, and I often rationalize with him that Alfie is my only “friend”, my one connection to the outside world that doesn’t consist solely of kids. So he goes and says that every time I let Alfie come over after he leaves for work, he should get to do something that makes me upset. And since the only thing that I’ve ever stated makes me upset is watching porn, he’s basically saying every time Alfie comes over, he’s gonna watch porn.

    I said to him, “I hate that you put Alfie and porn in the same category”, because they’re not. Porn is not the father of three of his children, and porn is not the one person he’s considered to be his best friend in the entire world for the last six, almost seven years. Plus, porn doesn’t just show up on his doorstep! Porn doesn’t call him every night and make him feel guilty when he says no to it. Alfie does all that and more. Saying yes to him coming over at night is a thousand times better for everyone, than saying no. Because than we don’t have to deal with immature, dramatic bullshit that Alfie would pull!

    I think if he started watching porn as a type of punishment for me hanging out with my only friend (though, if Alfie and I didn’t have kids and such a history, we probably wouldn’t be friends), it would only make things worse. It would halfway drive me to Alfie, because I’d need someone to vent my frustrations to. It’s such a complicated situation, and I need to determine a way to make it less complicated…