Craving a Spanking

Posted: July 29, 2010 in Rantings

Seriously, it’s getting kind of tired now and I’m starting to just feel frustrated. At least once a day everyday (usually a hell of a lot more), I’m experiencing these twinges in my clit and then I spend the rest of the day massively craving a spanking or desperately wanting to flog The Boyfriend.

Last night only made it worse, when The Boyfriend let me playfully flog him after we play fought. It was incredibly sexy and he was wiggling around and dancing about and it was so much fun. I walked away and just said, “I wish you’d take it more seriously sometimes.”

It’s not that I don’t love the playfulness of it all. Because I really do. But I wish that we would follow through on at least one thing we said we were going to integrate. Like punishments and rewards. How many times have I not done the dishes? And how many times have I said I was going to learn to belly dance and haven’t (not really, outside of my bathroom belly dance)? And how many times, in my books, did I deserve a punishment. Because, trust me, the ratio is just not balancing out.

I figured with him not working, we’d be having sex all the time and kink would become more and more something that was integrated into our sex lives and eventually our everyday lives. But it’s been nothing like that at all.

It’s been big long gaps in between sex. And at first I was thinking it was mostly my fault because of all my insecurity issues, but lately it seems like it’s more him than me. Like he’s the one who chooses to stay up late, and he’s the one who falls asleep first and he’s waiting for me to initiate.

I’ve told him that no matter what, this month we’re going to a munch. I can already see it not happening. It’s just starting to suck. It sucks that our sex is so amazing, and we have it so little. It sucks that he keeps playing around with something I’m pretty darn serious about. And it sucks that he doesn’t realize how it makes me feel. It sucks even more that I’m not even sure how it makes me feel.

Outside of my sexual frustrations, everything is going pretty darn good for me. A person I know is sending me a box of sex toys (left over inventory from when she ran her own business). The hope is to do a few home parties and then start selling online. I hate how it’s so hard for everyone to understand that my main goal isn’t to make money. My main goal is to raise sexual awareness and understanding, and promote a healthy sexuality. Money is just an added bonus. But, I’m excited none the less. I’m very curious what’s going to be inside the box 😉

Well, cross your fingers that I get a spanking or flogging soon. If not, I might cry or get angry…

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