Archive for the ‘Perfect World’ Category

I don’t want to start this post with “Last night…”, but I can’t seem to find any other way that seems appropriate for what I’m about to go into. So, last night… What was that movie from the 90’s with Kirsten Dunst? Crazy Beautiful, was it? That was what my experience was last night.

The night started with playful spankings, that didn’t seem like they were going to get any more serious than what they were. Everyone was still awake, it was more of like a love tap, if you will. After it was just us awake, everything changed.

I had been lazing around in a bra and a pair of jeans, because my house for some reason is incredibly warm. But then The Boyfriend asked if I’d go change into something a little shorter, so he could rub my legs, supposedly his favorite part of my body. I’m not one who really likes to show off a lot of skin. If it wasn’t for the fact that I was boiling hot, rarely would you catch me showing off my stomach!!

So even though the playful spankings earlier in the night, and the rubbing of the legs had totally started to show on my underwear, my insecurities tried to cock block me. The Boyfriend gets me to turn to face him (originally I was laying down on my stomach), and immediately I just started thinking over and over again, “He’s gonna think you’re fat! He’s gonna think you’re ugly!”.

He pulls the pillow that I was using as my stomach shield off, pulls me in close and gives me a deep, passionate, amazing kiss. Literally, in the moment of a kiss, I felt my insecurities fade. It was as if his lips took me out of my mind and into my body. I no longer thought, I just felt.

My plan was to spend awhile teasing him until I had become satisfied with some sort of impact, whether it be spanking or him going to get the flogger. After a bunch of making out, a thousand more amazing kisses, and some smacking and forceful grabbing, I could no longer hold off.

After what seemed like a really long time of me being on top of him, I knelt on the couch ready for him to take me from behind. I had my head resting on the back of the couch, supported by only my chin. And my fingers were eagerly between my legs. My skirt covered most of my ass, and my legs were spread wide as he pounded me from behind.

After he came, I stayed in the same position, playing with myself as he spanked me. Seriously spanked me. Carefully slapping my sit spot, hard and fast. My ass was stinging, my pussy was swollen, my body was drenched in sweat. My toes pointed vigorously as a few blows fell in quick succession and I flinched away from them.

I erupted into an intense, muscle-tightening orgasm. My legs went from bent flat on the couch, to pointed straight up towards my head. My body pushed down, and I felt like I wasn’t even there. Just my convulsing orgasm. It seemed so much bigger and greater than me.

I felt weak and dizzy and sore and incredibly enlightened by the whole experience. Sadly, aftercare doesn’t seem to be part of sexual dictionary yet. Because even though it had some hardcore impact elements, it was treated like every other night of sex. Smoke and then bed. Even when we got in bed, The Boyfriend passed out the second his head hit the pillow, and he wasn’t even cuddling me.

The whole thing was amazing, but I really feel like I could’ve used some cuddling and some reassurance that I did good. Maybe rubbing my sore red ass, or telling me how much fun it was. I wanted to collapse into someone’s arms, because that’s what I felt like doing.

I haven’t completely talked to The Boyfriend about the fire pit or the munch this month either. He saw the post-it note that I wrote all the information on, and I told him about the personal invite, but I haven’t yet said I want to go. I’m kind of hoping he’ll be like, “I noticed you had some stuff written down, did you want to go to it?” and then I’d be all like, “Kinda. Do you?” and then in a perfect world, he’d be all like, “Yeah, I would love to go. I’ll make sure I don’t work that night.” and blam, it would be done.

I just hate constantly feeling like I’m trying to convert him. Because I don’t want to change who he is, especially not sexually. If it’s not him, I don’t want him to feel pressured to do it.

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I’m feeling very turned on right now, not 100% sure why. I was sitting on the couch, watching Gilmore Girls (kind of going through a phase…), and suddenly I was turned on. I hate that The Boyfriend works night, because it would be nice to have him around for those moments, especially since it’s most likely to happen around about that time… The silence, you know 😉

Last night, The Boyfriend and I had an absolutely delightful night. He had had four nights off, and the first three nights we were both much too tired to do just about anything. Sleep was our main priority. Finally, the fourth night, we didn’t sleep. Well, eventually we did, but not originally 😉

When we started, I didn’t expect that it would carry on long at all. That we’d both probably get distracted and it would just be another make out session. I crawled on top of him on the couch and one thing led to another, and next thing I know, he’s grabbing my hips and literally making me ride him. I was bouncing up and down, and we were both erotically laughing as my head and hair bobbed all over the place. It was fun sex.

Then, we switched to me face down and him on top from behind, vaginally of course (my choice, not his)! He doesn’t know this completely, but I normally go to this position when I’m ready for him to cum, because I know it happens quickly. Whereas when I’m on top, sometimes it can take a really long time. And while I appreciate the hour(s) long sex, I am a Mom of four and when 3 AM rolls around, I start getting pretty worried about how little sleep I’m going to get…

He came fast, as I knew he would, and I hadn’t yet. I had had the flogger earlier in the night (with the intention of flogging him, though the making out started and the flogger kind of got dropped, literally), so while I played with myself, my ass got a nice little flogging. After what seemed like too long of playing and not cumming, I asked The Boyfriend to grab me the purple pussy vibrator.

The piece of crap (I really gotta replace that thing…) finally got used, after months of isolation beneath the night table in my room. It even got a fresh new battery in it. Man oh man, did it ever feel nice grinding against the vibrator as The Boyfriend rhythmically beat my ass with the flogger.

After he was done, he was saying my ass was really red and he could see some welting on the roundest part of my butt. I fell asleep before I looked in the mirror, and of course, the next morning, absolutely nothing. I so badly want a beating that leaves a mark. That hurts the next day when I sit down. That hurts more when it’s happening. We’ve agreed that we’re picking up something less vanilla the next time we get something.

We went out shopping the other day and hit one of our local bookstores. I came across “The Guide to Getting It On”, and was so happy to finally have an educational sex book, and not just erotica. I’ve always, for as long as I can remember, wanted a library filled with nothing but sex, medical and psychology books. Same with, I want a room with a display of decorative glass dildos. I know, what a shame not to use them, but I figure I’ll just buy everyone in a set of two! If only…

I haven’t really read anything but the BDSM section, of course 😉 I was wondering about something after reading it. The book describes a fetish as a reliance on a certain something to achieve arousal. And I know that’s like the medical definition of a fetish, but in the kinky world, is a fetish really like that? I say that I have a foot fetish, because I love love love feet. I think feet are erotic and sexy and upon looking at an extremely beautiful pair of feet, I feel passionate. But I don’t rely on feet (other than the fact that certain positions require them) to achieve arousal. Does that mean that it’s not a fetish then? And if it’s not a fetish, what is it?

I’ve always kind of considered a fetish to be something that you find erotic that “normal” society wouldn’t, like a foot or a food or a material. And I’ve always considered a paraphillia to be the reliance part. And I know that they’re basically one in the same, but I feel like one should sound like less of an abnormality than the other. That way those of us who can still get turned on without the object, aren’t put on the same list of those who can’t and those who “normal” society (and sometimes the person themselves) think need help. I know it sounds like I’m trying to put a label on something that has no need for a label in the first place, but I feel like if there were a separation between the two, fetishes would be more accepted. Assuming anyone agrees with the fetish/paraphillia separation.

I think The Boyfriend and I can officially start looking into going to munches again. The kids are all old enough now that they can safely be left with family, and formula has been bought, plus The Boyfriend is going down to part-time 😉

I’ve been craving some sort of interaction to this world that I keep getting pulled deeper and deeper into. My interests in it just keep expanding the more I experience. The thing that almost scares me, is how much more I want. Like with the floggings. After every flogging, I’m telling The Boyfriend to do it harder next time. Then he does, and I tell him to do it harder. Is it always going to be like this? Never gets hard enough…

It’s like safewords. I’ve never been even slightly close to using a safeword with The Boyfriend. I’ve never even said things like stop or don’t or no more. It’s always been a very manageable pain.

I hope one day I feel completely sexually fulfilled. I hope, before I die, I feel like I know who I am sexually, for sure. No questions about it. Does anyone out there feel completely satisfied with their sexuality?

The day before yesterday, The Boyfriend and I were sitting around bored out of our skulls with nothing better to do than doodle and write. I didn’t want to go on the computer, because I wanted to cuddle and he didn’t want to play games because he had already done that that day.

I, of course, was thinking about nothing more than sex and BDSM, which is all I ever seem to be thinking about lately. Anywho, I started thinking about my perfect scenario of 24/7 BDSM. Came to the realization that it would not be even slightly possible as long as any of my kids still lived at home.

So I thought it would be fun to share with all of you what I came up with so far. Unfortunately, this whole scenario is based off of alot of different factors, which include:

  1. Need to find a S/switch man who doesn’t mind sharing
  2. Need to get to the point where I don’t mind sharing
  3. No kids in the house (or if there are kids in the house, must understand BDSM fully)
  4. I have to have a full-time day job, where I’m leaving the house at a set time and arriving home at a set time
  5. Need an extremely large house, like a mansion or castle
  6. Need 9 submissive or S/switch people to fulfill spots 😉

Okay, okay. I know it sounds a little far-fetched, and I’m aware that realistically I’ll probably only ever get half of what I wanted, but I’m talking about perfect worlds, which we all know don’t exist!

So a few basic things before we get into the better part of this. In a perfect world, protocols and rules and consequences would be a big part of everyday BDSM play for me. I would like to believe, from my rather inexperienced perspective, that BDSM can be a very therapeutic, life-altering experience. I also like the idea of behaviour modification.

Okay so first I’ll break down how the whole thing would work. Let’s pretend that in this perfect world, The Boyfriend is Master and I am Mistress. I would be Master’s alpha slave, if you will, and he will be my Dominant. He will have a male alpha slave as well. He will also have one female submissive and two male submissive’s.

(F.Y.I. – We are working under the premise that, the slaves are collared and “owned” and the submissives are un-collared slaves-in-training)

Mistress will have an alpha male slave and alpha female slave, two female submissives and two male submissives. Master and Mistress would also own a male and female submissive together. Now, that’s not to say that either would not be allowed to discipline the others submissive in the absence of the Owner. I hope this all still making sense.

So I was thinking about this perfect world life, where I worked 9 to 5, Monday to Friday. Came home at the exact same time (or thereabouts) every single day. So I started thinking about what I’d want the ritual of coming home to be like. Of course, this sent me spiraling into thoughts about every little detail, but I thought it would be fun to share with you what coming home would look like to me, in a perfect world.

As I stumble towards the front door of my house, after my exhausting long day of work, I am excited and relieved to think about what’s on the other side.When I step up the last stair, onto the porch, the heavy door slides open, showing me the comforts of my home. I take a step in, and my alpha male is kneeling at my right, holding a martini upwards, with his other hand outstretched waiting for my bags. My alpha female is kneeling to my left, eyes down with a pair of slippers between her teeth. I lightly tap her head, and she removes each of my shoes, replacing them quickly with the slippers.

My alpha male escorts me to the lavish dining room, his arm wrapped around mine, while my alpha female crawls along behind me. Master is already seated at the large dining table, with his alpha male and female submissive kneeling on the floor beside him, to his left and right respectively. In three of the four corners of the room, stands the male and female submissive that Master and I are training together, and one of my male submissives. The males are in charge of food and wine service and clean-up and the female is the cook of the house, preparing all the food (with the help of the other submissives). Her main duty is to prepare menus and choose wine pairings.

My alpha male pulls out my seat, and waits for me to be seated before kneeling beside me. My alpha female is already kneeling next to me and awaiting further instructions. Master and I would ring a bell simultaneously (and submissive’s would be punished if they came when only when bell was rang – the bells being of completely different tones), and the remaining submissives would enter, kiss my feet and then kiss Master’s feet, and then stand behind their designated seating position, which only varied when company attended or on special ocassions, such as birthdays and anniversaries.

My alpha female would then be seated to my left, and after she was seated, the other submissives could then be seated. One of the submissives, in the corner behind my chair, would serve us the wine of the evening. Master and I would receive our wine in fine goblets, the alpha slaves would be served their wine in boring glass cups and the submissives would be given plastic champagne flutes to drink from.

Food when then be served from the submissive in the corner behind Master’s chair, from a large table behind Master. Service would start with the submissives, then the alpha slaves and then Master and finally Mistress, so that food did not go cold for Master or Mistress. Both alpha males, if you recall, are still kneeling on the floor, and are given their food on the floor. After Master and Mistress, they are then allowed to sit cross-legged on the floor to eat their food, and are permitted to use proper utensils. Again, this changes with company or special occasion.

After wine is served and all the plates have been filled, the food and wine submissives take their seats at the table at designated positions. The female submissive chef, comes to the right hand side of the Mistress, from the left hand corner of the dining room, to present that dish. She describes, in detail, the food we are about to eat, from ingredients used to cooking methods. Her duty is to make us appreciate the food before it even reaches our mouths.

After the explanation, she takes her designated seat, and all slaves and submissives watch both Master and Mistress. Master’s slaves (including me, his alpha female) and submissives will not take a single bite until he has taken at least three. Mistress’ slaves and submissives will not have a single bite until she has taken at least three.

After the first course, normally a salad, two more courses are served. The actual dinner and then a desert, and all the courses will take on almost the same pattern. Wine server serves wine, then sits at his seat. Food server serves food, then sits at his seat. Chef describes her dish and sits at her seat. Mistress waits for Master’s first three bites along with his alpha male and submissives. Mistress’ slaves and submissives wait for her third bite before beginning.

After dinner is complete, the submissives who didn’t serve food or wine or describe dishes they made, clear the table while Master and Mistress and the alpha slaves retire to wherever Master and Mistress decide, either all together or separately.

So that’s the “I just got home from a long day of work” scenario. One of these days, I’ll write about more about the happenings in a perfect world. That was just where I got to so far.

On another note entirely, I thought I should let everyone know that this week, for the first time in my life, I purchased something off the internet. And wouldn’t you know, the first time I buy anything online, it’s something kinky 😉

The Boyfriend comes home, hands me a card, and says “There’s a hundred bucks for you to play with one there.”, this being right after his birthday (and I hadn’t gotten him a real present yet, because everything he really wants is online!). So I spent almost the entire day looking around on the internet, trying to find things for his birthday and as he said, “a present for yourself”. He knew that I would go for something kinky, he was hoping a dildo, but I wanted something else.

Well, he got Mario Party 8 for the Wii, I spent less and got a red “angel hair” flogger and some black bondage tape. Each thing should be here around about the 15th. So, the first time I buy anything online is also the first time I’m ever going to see a flogger in real life!!! I’m incredibly excited.

So my question to all of you is, do you know of any really good resources online for learning more about floggers (I already know quite a bit, but I feel like I should take a refresher and should make sure to show The Boyfriend some of the stuff, before everything gets here)? And does anyone have any advice for a first flogging session?

Well I should probably get going. Thanks again to everyone reading. I haven’t had under 10 readers in a week and a half, so I’m pretty excited about that. Now, I just need to get some more comments coming in!