Posts Tagged ‘Dominant’

The night before last, The Boyfriend finally used the bondage tape on me. He seemed to have a much more luck with the tape then when I tried it out. He artfully wrapped my wrists together and then connected them to the bed so that my arms were together and over my head.

You’d think with all my image issues, that laying there, completely exposed and naked, would’ve made me helpless and out of control and vulnerable. Alas, it did no such thing. I still felt like I had complete control of the situation (even after he bound my feet together), I felt empowered and sexy and desirable. And while all that is great and good, I wanted to feel that weakness and vulnerability.

Ever since that night, it’s all I can think about. In day-to-day life, I have to be so in control of everything. In control of the kids, in control of the cleaning, in control of the money, so in control… Back in the day, I would’ve just been happy with that.

A friend on FetLife today, asked if I’d had any luck dominating The Boyfriend and I remembered the last time I attempted to dominate him and felt completely uncomfortable. I almost felt more vulnerable topping him. It got me thinking though about whether or not I actually desire to dominate The Boyfriend.

I’m so naturally submissive to him sexually. Even though, I’m normally a take control type of girl in the bedroom, and usually am the one initiating everything. With him, I crave his approval and am constantly thinking of pleasing him (not only sexually, but in other areas – even though I’m not very good at it), and it just seems that submission is the best course.

When I think about it, I desire to submit to him more than I desire to dominate him. I just wish I could feel less in control with him, during sexual things mostly. I wish that I had defined limitation for him to break, though currently I’ve got such an, “I’m open to anything” attitude, that it makes it very hard for him.

I think after the better majority of our life is under more control (mostly finances), I’m gonna seriously start pushing for us to create some sort of defined relationship type dealy. We’ve both shown great interest in the idea of punishments and rewards, and I think it would be a great motivator for me to accomplish some of the goals that I’ve put out for myself this year.

I’ve told him that I think it would be cool if we had set rules, like for instance, at a certain time everyday I have to do a workout (and since he’s always said he wants to be my personal trainer, he can choose the exercises), and if I don’t, I get punished with something that I wouldn’t like. Preferably something humiliating. Or that all the dishes have to be done and put away, or I’ll be forced to do something like, the dishes naked or clean the toilet with a toothbrush or stand in the corner or something.

I think I’m just mostly determined to take the only-for-foreplay thing out of the parts of our sex life that excite me the most. It’s something I really want to try 24/7, not 15 minutes once a week!

The day before yesterday, The Boyfriend and I were sitting around bored out of our skulls with nothing better to do than doodle and write. I didn’t want to go on the computer, because I wanted to cuddle and he didn’t want to play games because he had already done that that day.

I, of course, was thinking about nothing more than sex and BDSM, which is all I ever seem to be thinking about lately. Anywho, I started thinking about my perfect scenario of 24/7 BDSM. Came to the realization that it would not be even slightly possible as long as any of my kids still lived at home.

So I thought it would be fun to share with all of you what I came up with so far. Unfortunately, this whole scenario is based off of alot of different factors, which include:

  1. Need to find a S/switch man who doesn’t mind sharing
  2. Need to get to the point where I don’t mind sharing
  3. No kids in the house (or if there are kids in the house, must understand BDSM fully)
  4. I have to have a full-time day job, where I’m leaving the house at a set time and arriving home at a set time
  5. Need an extremely large house, like a mansion or castle
  6. Need 9 submissive or S/switch people to fulfill spots 😉

Okay, okay. I know it sounds a little far-fetched, and I’m aware that realistically I’ll probably only ever get half of what I wanted, but I’m talking about perfect worlds, which we all know don’t exist!

So a few basic things before we get into the better part of this. In a perfect world, protocols and rules and consequences would be a big part of everyday BDSM play for me. I would like to believe, from my rather inexperienced perspective, that BDSM can be a very therapeutic, life-altering experience. I also like the idea of behaviour modification.

Okay so first I’ll break down how the whole thing would work. Let’s pretend that in this perfect world, The Boyfriend is Master and I am Mistress. I would be Master’s alpha slave, if you will, and he will be my Dominant. He will have a male alpha slave as well. He will also have one female submissive and two male submissive’s.

(F.Y.I. – We are working under the premise that, the slaves are collared and “owned” and the submissives are un-collared slaves-in-training)

Mistress will have an alpha male slave and alpha female slave, two female submissives and two male submissives. Master and Mistress would also own a male and female submissive together. Now, that’s not to say that either would not be allowed to discipline the others submissive in the absence of the Owner. I hope this all still making sense.

So I was thinking about this perfect world life, where I worked 9 to 5, Monday to Friday. Came home at the exact same time (or thereabouts) every single day. So I started thinking about what I’d want the ritual of coming home to be like. Of course, this sent me spiraling into thoughts about every little detail, but I thought it would be fun to share with you what coming home would look like to me, in a perfect world.

As I stumble towards the front door of my house, after my exhausting long day of work, I am excited and relieved to think about what’s on the other side.When I step up the last stair, onto the porch, the heavy door slides open, showing me the comforts of my home. I take a step in, and my alpha male is kneeling at my right, holding a martini upwards, with his other hand outstretched waiting for my bags. My alpha female is kneeling to my left, eyes down with a pair of slippers between her teeth. I lightly tap her head, and she removes each of my shoes, replacing them quickly with the slippers.

My alpha male escorts me to the lavish dining room, his arm wrapped around mine, while my alpha female crawls along behind me. Master is already seated at the large dining table, with his alpha male and female submissive kneeling on the floor beside him, to his left and right respectively. In three of the four corners of the room, stands the male and female submissive that Master and I are training together, and one of my male submissives. The males are in charge of food and wine service and clean-up and the female is the cook of the house, preparing all the food (with the help of the other submissives). Her main duty is to prepare menus and choose wine pairings.

My alpha male pulls out my seat, and waits for me to be seated before kneeling beside me. My alpha female is already kneeling next to me and awaiting further instructions. Master and I would ring a bell simultaneously (and submissive’s would be punished if they came when only when bell was rang – the bells being of completely different tones), and the remaining submissives would enter, kiss my feet and then kiss Master’s feet, and then stand behind their designated seating position, which only varied when company attended or on special ocassions, such as birthdays and anniversaries.

My alpha female would then be seated to my left, and after she was seated, the other submissives could then be seated. One of the submissives, in the corner behind my chair, would serve us the wine of the evening. Master and I would receive our wine in fine goblets, the alpha slaves would be served their wine in boring glass cups and the submissives would be given plastic champagne flutes to drink from.

Food when then be served from the submissive in the corner behind Master’s chair, from a large table behind Master. Service would start with the submissives, then the alpha slaves and then Master and finally Mistress, so that food did not go cold for Master or Mistress. Both alpha males, if you recall, are still kneeling on the floor, and are given their food on the floor. After Master and Mistress, they are then allowed to sit cross-legged on the floor to eat their food, and are permitted to use proper utensils. Again, this changes with company or special occasion.

After wine is served and all the plates have been filled, the food and wine submissives take their seats at the table at designated positions. The female submissive chef, comes to the right hand side of the Mistress, from the left hand corner of the dining room, to present that dish. She describes, in detail, the food we are about to eat, from ingredients used to cooking methods. Her duty is to make us appreciate the food before it even reaches our mouths.

After the explanation, she takes her designated seat, and all slaves and submissives watch both Master and Mistress. Master’s slaves (including me, his alpha female) and submissives will not take a single bite until he has taken at least three. Mistress’ slaves and submissives will not have a single bite until she has taken at least three.

After the first course, normally a salad, two more courses are served. The actual dinner and then a desert, and all the courses will take on almost the same pattern. Wine server serves wine, then sits at his seat. Food server serves food, then sits at his seat. Chef describes her dish and sits at her seat. Mistress waits for Master’s first three bites along with his alpha male and submissives. Mistress’ slaves and submissives wait for her third bite before beginning.

After dinner is complete, the submissives who didn’t serve food or wine or describe dishes they made, clear the table while Master and Mistress and the alpha slaves retire to wherever Master and Mistress decide, either all together or separately.

So that’s the “I just got home from a long day of work” scenario. One of these days, I’ll write about more about the happenings in a perfect world. That was just where I got to so far.

On another note entirely, I thought I should let everyone know that this week, for the first time in my life, I purchased something off the internet. And wouldn’t you know, the first time I buy anything online, it’s something kinky 😉

The Boyfriend comes home, hands me a card, and says “There’s a hundred bucks for you to play with one there.”, this being right after his birthday (and I hadn’t gotten him a real present yet, because everything he really wants is online!). So I spent almost the entire day looking around on the internet, trying to find things for his birthday and as he said, “a present for yourself”. He knew that I would go for something kinky, he was hoping a dildo, but I wanted something else.

Well, he got Mario Party 8 for the Wii, I spent less and got a red “angel hair” flogger and some black bondage tape. Each thing should be here around about the 15th. So, the first time I buy anything online is also the first time I’m ever going to see a flogger in real life!!! I’m incredibly excited.

So my question to all of you is, do you know of any really good resources online for learning more about floggers (I already know quite a bit, but I feel like I should take a refresher and should make sure to show The Boyfriend some of the stuff, before everything gets here)? And does anyone have any advice for a first flogging session?

Well I should probably get going. Thanks again to everyone reading. I haven’t had under 10 readers in a week and a half, so I’m pretty excited about that. Now, I just need to get some more comments coming in!

So I was clicking around on my FetLife groups today, and I stumbled across this post, which discusses when you should cut your partner out of rope bondage. Reading through it, all these people are commenting on the Dominants responsibility to constantly be checking for signs of distress in the submissive.

Seanchai comments:

There’s little more frustrating than a bottom who, trying to respect their top, doesn’t speak up when something is mildly irritating, only for it to become a major “oh god cut the rope NOW” problem once you’ve got twenty or thirty feet of rope around them.

And I’m just thinking, it sure sounds like submissive’s are almost given excuses to not communicate effectively. Personally, if I were ever in a situation with another person, where they basically hold my life and safety in their hands, I would communicate everything and if they didn’t like it, then they’re not a very good Top for me.

This whole topic makes me think about sexual communication in general. Why is it that, even though we’ve been having sex since the beginning of time, it’s still one of the hardest things for people to talk about comfortably?

I’m the type of person whose communicating constantly about sex. It probably gets annoying for everyone else around me. And it’s most important for me during sex. I’ll speak up the second anything doesn’t feel right, and The Boyfriend and I will spend a good half hour after every sex session, recounting the  things we liked and didn’t like.

What’s more surprising to me, is that, with how good I am at communication and sex, I’m pretty crappy with communication and day-to-day life. I think it’s because life always hurts and is always uncomfortable and awkward. There’s always something about life… I can communicate that pain in my ass, a thousand and one times in a minute, and it’s not going to change the fact that it’s still a pain in my ass.

There’s no EMT scissors to cut me out of awkward situations, there’s no pulling out when shit gets to deep. All the aftercare in the world isn’t going to change the fact that tomorrow will be (and if it’s not tomorrow, the day will come) another crappy day without the hand of a Top to save you. Sadness…

Well maybe we can add this to a list of goals then. First, be a responsible and safe submissive. Second, get as good at communicating about day-to-day life as you do about sex. And thirdly, start reading more discussions in the BDSM Mentors Group (which I don’t usually do…).