Posts Tagged ‘Experimenting’

I’ve been working really hard today on various blog stuff, mostly getting The Art Of... up and running. I’ve decided to set up a different blog for it, since I felt like I couldn’t get the flexibility I desired out of presenting it solely as a series here on The XXX Rated Rantings. I’m hoping to have my first lesson posted by the end of this month, though the research is killing me.

I spent probably close to three hours today, going through definitions on Wikipedia and looking for more beginner type information. I figure for the first couple of lessons, I’ll take more of a beginners focus and carry it onwards from there. I don’t think that I have the authority to really write about advanced BDSM techniques and activities, when I myself am still just a mere newbie.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this either. I figured after Alfie and I broke up, that I would spend at least a year just experimenting with my sexuality. Experiencing more BDSM and kink. Especially being that I haven’t really gotten to experience BDSM anywhere near the degree that I’d like to be experiencing it at. But then I met The Boyfriend, and he’s not kinky really at all, but he’s too amazing for me to just pass up. Plus, he’s always shown a hidden interest in the more kinky.

Before I got pregnant, and up until about my 5th or 6th month, we had gotten into spanking quite a bit. Had a couple really intense sessions. My favourite one, which we even have pictures from, I got all dressed up and put on some make up (which doesn’t happen nearly as often as I wish it did). The Boyfriend had me lean over the ottoman in the living room, and it was just such an amazing experience.

I had been asking him for months to use a hairbrush as a spanking tool. I wanted to feel the harsh, thuddy impact and then feel the bristles of the brush dragged along the redness. The Boyfriend made it even better by grabbing an ice cube and melting all over the spots he had spanked and then dragging the bristles across my skin. I had such a hard time staying still.

Since I had my last, we’ve only had one sex session which involved spanking, and it was so mild, you could technically call it love taps or sex taps. Not a real spanking. I’ve been craving one so bad too. I’d love for him to spank me and call me a dirty whore, but he says he won’t ever call me something that’s “disrespectful”. I just laugh hysterically every time he says it.

The thing that sucks most about doing all this research about BDSM, is I really realize what I’m missing out on. I’m so jealous of the people that get to live in this lifestyle 24/7 or even just casually on weekends. I want to be one of those people. I’m determined that one day I will be. Though I can’t even know that for sure, maybe in reality, I’m not actually into BDSM. Just into the idea of it.

One thing that I’ve always been interested in receiving as a submissive is sort of behaviour modification, if you will. I would like rules about the way I am to conduct my day and myself. I would like a punishment if I sleep in past a certain time, or don’t have breakfast made by a certain time. I would like workouts and healthy eating to be part of my rules. I would like to have someone to be accountable to, other than myself. I think it would be very powerful, and I think my life would change dramatically.

Today, I did a 20 minute workout on my Wii Your Shape game. The whole time, I kept thinking, I would be much more motivated to do this workout if I knew that if I didn’t, I would have consequences. Such as, The Boyfriend teases me all day and then denies me orgasm because I didn’t complete my workout, or didn’t give 100% or whatever the stipulations that we agree upon are.

I think, once I’ve got breast feeding a little more under control, and have some sort of pumping schedule, I’m gonna start going to munches again. The last time The Boyfriend and I went, it truly sparked his interest. That night, all I heard about was how much he thought the idea of tying me up was arousing. It helped that everyone at the munch was so excepting and eager to teach the “vanilla” boyfriend. I think that really made him feel comfortable and more willing to learn than I could’ve ever made him.

And trust me, I had tried alot prior to the munch. I would leave websites for him to look at, I would search for interesting pictures and show them to him, I would try to read erotica to him. He never really showed interest until that first munch. After that, I would literally say “I want a spanking” and I would get one. Now, it’s hard to just get vanilla sex, which is a little disappointing.

I wish I could learn everything I wanted to know, in one spot, without having to spend hours and hours searching to find it. I mean, there’s just so much about sex and sexuality and BDSM and fetishes that I want to know more about. I suppose a really smart person would probably tell me that I won’t learn half of the things that I really want to know, until I myself experience it. It’s much like having sex. People can tell you a thousand times about their experiences with sex, and the medical parts of sex. Yet, it’s never what you expect it to be.

Well I think that’s all I have to write today. Maybe again tomorrow? We’ll see!

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