Posts Tagged ‘Facebook’

So I had this idea today, as I was surfing around FetLife today, which is at least a weekly occurrence (more if someone comments on my pictures/writings/status updates or sends me a message). And I started thinking that it would be cool to post all my favorite things from FetLife to a blog or to FetLife.

So my question to you is, how many of my readers actually use FetLife? If you do, what do you think of putting all my favorite FetLife content up on this blog as like a weekly special? If you don’t use FetLife, well, why aren’t you on FetLife?

Leave me your comments or e-mail me at I’ll also be posting this question on Twitter, so you can leave me your answers there as well.

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These last couple of days has been completely unsatisfying. From lack of communication to sex that ends badly, it’s just been a series of days that makes me want to cry.

After reaching my breaking point with the whole porn thing, I wrote The Boyfriend a message bitching about it on Facebook while he was at work, since apparently we can’t talk in person. Not a single response back, not on Facebook, not in real life, nothing. So the first two or three days he was home on days off, we pretty much sat in silent. When we did talk, it was about video games or movies that are coming out.

Then we had sex. I had said I wasn’t going to until he talked to me about some of the shit that I’ve been complaining about. But when you have him next to you, it’s very very hard to resist temptation. The sex was good for the most part. I didn’t get off, even though I tried really hard, and then after we were done he rolled over and fell asleep. Things stayed kind of awkward, but less silent.

Then we went to a family gathering two days ago, even though on many levels I didn’t want to. My brother showed up here, and The Boyfriend says to me that he’s not allowed to come with us. And I was completely crushed. I hate how we can be involved with each other’s families, but god forbid our families be involved with each other. Especially if they’re in a mental institution. I just don’t get it some days. Don’t really feel like bitching much about it. But it was also cold and windy out and I’ve been in this state of not liking the state of our relationship, and I don’t want to go around making it seem to everyone else like we’re okay. I did that with Alfie all the time, and it just feels like you’re completely lying.

So we finish there and come home and decide we’re going to pick up the 3rd season of Gilmore Girls so that we’d have something to watch. He missed work last night, and as we’re watching TV, I reach over to put my hand on his leg, end up touching cock instead. While I went from not even thinking about sex (I know, surprise!), to wanting him so bad.

It was really great sex. As it almost always is. Lately afterwards though, I feel so deflated and wrong. I don’t even really know how to explain exactly how I feel. I’ve noticed that unless I go into detail about what I liked about the sex, we don’t talk about it at all. The last couple of times, I’ve just sat silently afterwards waiting for him to say something that makes me feel good about what we’ve just done. The most I’ve gotten was, “That was amazing!”. And while in man land, that may be an acceptable answer, in Valerie Land, I need so much more than that.

I just want someone who will pay half as much attention to me as I do to them. Will remember some little detail of a story that I told them once in passing, and when I talk about it again they’ll be able to say, “I’ve heard this already” or someone who notices my neck is hurting because I’m turning my entire body instead of just my head. Someone who will notice I’m having a crappy day and will try to be comforting instead of just giving me the silent treatment. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to find a person who cares about me as much as I care about them. I don’t think I’m ever going to find Mr./Mrs. Right. I’ll probably spend my entire life finding alot of Mr./Mrs. Almost Rights, but nothing that is ever going to truly and completely fill my happiness/satisfaction meter.

I think I just seriously need to orgasm. Two times in the last little while, I’ve been brought very close. Incredibly close. And two times, I haven’t gotten off. Add that on top of my previous sexually frustrated self, and I’m literally a time bomb just waiting to go off.

Well, here’s to the start of another set of days off. Hopefully this week is better than all the last. As long as he doesn’t watch porn (or at least, covers it up better), then we should all be good. I hate that I’m like that…

So yesterday was an odd type day. In the morning, The Boyfriend was kinda mad at me, for a variety of reasons, most of which he had complete rights to. He had posted a status to Facebook, which he only ever does when he wants me to know something’s up.

After spending almost the entire day in complete silence, not touching each other, I decided I was going to soak in a nice hot bath. Again, I’m reading Sadopaeidia (which I seem to go through every couple of baths), and The Boyfriend comes down to share a smoke. Guess who was naked?

Well, of course, I was! And so was he, except his socks – weirdo! After some gentle water rubbing (rather non-sexually), I pulled him into the bath with me (yes, he took off his socks…). And again, we successfully had bath tub sex in my tinsy tiny tub.

Bath tub sex is seriously fun. It’s awkward and uncomfortable, but in a way that you’re not afraid to laugh at it. The water feels nice swishing around you. And The Boyfriend kind of lifts me up with ease and it’s just a different kind of sex completely.

After the bath, things went from Woohoo to Ugh… I was all like, “Wow, I wasn’t expecting that. Especially with you being mad at me.” This sparked an entire conversation, that turned to a debate because I bitched about him posting a status on Facebook for everyone who doesn’t even know me, and his sister who does, to find out that he has a problem with our relationship before I do.

Of course, that got thrown back in my face real quick, being that on occasion, I’ve posted stuff on my blog about our relationship that I didn’t tell him previously. He was even able to name the exact post that his sister confronted him and asked what kind of problems we were having that I would write it.

So I’ve officially discovered why I don’t argue with The Boyfriend. And that’s because, he argues exactly like I do. He’s able to back up his argument, and doesn’t just talk out of his ass. And like I said earlier, he has every right to be upset, and I would think he was seriously psychotic if he wasn’t upset.

I keep having Alfie over after The Boyfriend goes to work, even though we agreed a long time ago that Alfie wouldn’t come over after The Boyfriend left. I don’t know why I keep doing it, especially being that I know it upsets The Boyfriend alot and I don’t want to cause him upset. I’m hoping eventually I can get it together and stop doing things that bother him, especially when I know that they bother him. First I think, I need to figure out why it is that I continue to do these things even when I know better.

So the good thing is, I got laid and we both got stuff off our chests!