Posts Tagged ‘life’

The night before last, The Boyfriend finally used the bondage tape on me. He seemed to have a much more luck with the tape then when I tried it out. He artfully wrapped my wrists together and then connected them to the bed so that my arms were together and over my head.

You’d think with all my image issues, that laying there, completely exposed and naked, would’ve made me helpless and out of control and vulnerable. Alas, it did no such thing. I still felt like I had complete control of the situation (even after he bound my feet together), I felt empowered and sexy and desirable. And while all that is great and good, I wanted to feel that weakness and vulnerability.

Ever since that night, it’s all I can think about. In day-to-day life, I have to be so in control of everything. In control of the kids, in control of the cleaning, in control of the money, so in control… Back in the day, I would’ve just been happy with that.

A friend on FetLife today, asked if I’d had any luck dominating The Boyfriend and I remembered the last time I attempted to dominate him and felt completely uncomfortable. I almost felt more vulnerable topping him. It got me thinking though about whether or not I actually desire to dominate The Boyfriend.

I’m so naturally submissive to him sexually. Even though, I’m normally a take control type of girl in the bedroom, and usually am the one initiating everything. With him, I crave his approval and am constantly thinking of pleasing him (not only sexually, but in other areas – even though I’m not very good at it), and it just seems that submission is the best course.

When I think about it, I desire to submit to him more than I desire to dominate him. I just wish I could feel less in control with him, during sexual things mostly. I wish that I had defined limitation for him to break, though currently I’ve got such an, “I’m open to anything” attitude, that it makes it very hard for him.

I think after the better majority of our life is under more control (mostly finances), I’m gonna seriously start pushing for us to create some sort of defined relationship type dealy. We’ve both shown great interest in the idea of punishments and rewards, and I think it would be a great motivator for me to accomplish some of the goals that I’ve put out for myself this year.

I’ve told him that I think it would be cool if we had set rules, like for instance, at a certain time everyday I have to do a workout (and since he’s always said he wants to be my personal trainer, he can choose the exercises), and if I don’t, I get punished with something that I wouldn’t like. Preferably something humiliating. Or that all the dishes have to be done and put away, or I’ll be forced to do something like, the dishes naked or clean the toilet with a toothbrush or stand in the corner or something.

I think I’m just mostly determined to take the only-for-foreplay thing out of the parts of our sex life that excite me the most. It’s something I really want to try 24/7, not 15 minutes once a week!

So I was clicking around on my FetLife groups today, and I stumbled across this post, which discusses when you should cut your partner out of rope bondage. Reading through it, all these people are commenting on the Dominants responsibility to constantly be checking for signs of distress in the submissive.

Seanchai comments:

There’s little more frustrating than a bottom who, trying to respect their top, doesn’t speak up when something is mildly irritating, only for it to become a major “oh god cut the rope NOW” problem once you’ve got twenty or thirty feet of rope around them.

And I’m just thinking, it sure sounds like submissive’s are almost given excuses to not communicate effectively. Personally, if I were ever in a situation with another person, where they basically hold my life and safety in their hands, I would communicate everything and if they didn’t like it, then they’re not a very good Top for me.

This whole topic makes me think about sexual communication in general. Why is it that, even though we’ve been having sex since the beginning of time, it’s still one of the hardest things for people to talk about comfortably?

I’m the type of person whose communicating constantly about sex. It probably gets annoying for everyone else around me. And it’s most important for me during sex. I’ll speak up the second anything doesn’t feel right, and The Boyfriend and I will spend a good half hour after every sex session, recounting the  things we liked and didn’t like.

What’s more surprising to me, is that, with how good I am at communication and sex, I’m pretty crappy with communication and day-to-day life. I think it’s because life always hurts and is always uncomfortable and awkward. There’s always something about life… I can communicate that pain in my ass, a thousand and one times in a minute, and it’s not going to change the fact that it’s still a pain in my ass.

There’s no EMT scissors to cut me out of awkward situations, there’s no pulling out when shit gets to deep. All the aftercare in the world isn’t going to change the fact that tomorrow will be (and if it’s not tomorrow, the day will come) another crappy day without the hand of a Top to save you. Sadness…

Well maybe we can add this to a list of goals then. First, be a responsible and safe submissive. Second, get as good at communicating about day-to-day life as you do about sex. And thirdly, start reading more discussions in the BDSM Mentors Group (which I don’t usually do…).