Posts Tagged ‘Masturbate’

I hate that I have such a problem with The Boyfriend being sexual without me. From porn to masturbating, I have such a problem with him watching or doing either of those things, without me. It shouldn’t bug me.

I’m the most accepting person I know of the fact that we are all sexual beings with sexual needs and desires. I understand watching porn or masturbating. And yet, just the idea of The Boyfriend masturbating while I’m not there, makes me automatically angry.

For some reason, I’ve been having trust issues with The Boyfriend. He hasn’t done anything at all to deserve it. If anyone has any rights to trust issues, it’s him, not me. And yet I’m almost always saying to him, “I don’t trust you”, especially in all sorts of sexual areas. From did he watch porn (which he hasn’t, and if he has he’s done a spectacular job of hiding it), to is he enjoying having sex with me.

I think it’s partially this immature thought that just because I don’t watch porn or masturbate unless he’s there, that he should just do the same. And that’s unfair for me to ask for. Especially being that guys normally watch porn and masturbate for different reasons than girls do – or at least that’s my theory. I just wish I could figure out the cause of the anger so that I could work towards getting over it.

Today he asks how late Alfie stayed over last night. I don’t ever lie to him about when Alfie was here, because I need to earn back the trust that I lost, and honesty is the number one step to that. I know it bothers him more than anything when Alfie comes over, and I often rationalize with him that Alfie is my only “friend”, my one connection to the outside world that doesn’t consist solely of kids. So he goes and says that every time I let Alfie come over after he leaves for work, he should get to do something that makes me upset. And since the only thing that I’ve ever stated makes me upset is watching porn, he’s basically saying every time Alfie comes over, he’s gonna watch porn.

I said to him, “I hate that you put Alfie and porn in the same category”, because they’re not. Porn is not the father of three of his children, and porn is not the one person he’s considered to be his best friend in the entire world for the last six, almost seven years. Plus, porn doesn’t just show up on his doorstep! Porn doesn’t call him every night and make him feel guilty when he says no to it. Alfie does all that and more. Saying yes to him coming over at night is a thousand times better for everyone, than saying no. Because than we don’t have to deal with immature, dramatic bullshit that Alfie would pull!

I think if he started watching porn as a type of punishment for me hanging out with my only friend (though, if Alfie and I didn’t have kids and such a history, we probably wouldn’t be friends), it would only make things worse. It would halfway drive me to Alfie, because I’d need someone to vent my frustrations to. It’s such a complicated situation, and I need to determine a way to make it less complicated…

Tonight, as I was flipping vigorously through the channels, I came across a Lori Petty and Keanu Reeves movie, and instantly remembered the first time I was ever sexually aroused by another woman.

Cover of

Cover of Tank Girl

Does anyone remember Tank Girl – the movie? When I was a kid, I remember being totally obsessed with the movie. Remember the part where Lori Petty is in the club and she runs her finger down the guys body? That was the first time ever in my life that I consciously thought about another girl in a sexual way.

When I was younger, and first started masturbating, all I ever fantasized about was doing that to someone, running my finger down their body. Thanks to the very sexy Tank Girl, Lori Petty.

Actress Lori Petty

Image via Wikipedia

It’s official, I need to watch that movie again!!! Just thought I’d share the memory 😉

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WTMFI Wednesdays Button

“R U LOL?”

CherriesThis Week’s Questions

  1. Have you ever used your cellphone to send racy pictures or messages?
  2. Do you use a webcam for sexual purposes?
  3. How often do you have cyber sex?
  4. Do you use the internet to look at porn?
  5. Do you think X-rated content is too easy to access or too difficult?

BONUS QUESTION:
What’s your stance on long-distance online relationships?

RULES

  • Each week, for Wednesday, you post answers to the five questions that are posted. You may answer all, or only one or two of the questions. You can post in whichever format works for you, be it video, poetry, answers, pictures or audio.
  • Insert the WTMFI Wednesdays image at the top of this post (get instructions here) into your post, linking back to The Rantings of a Tortured Mind – XXX Rated Edition at https://rantingsofatorturedmindxxx.wordpress.com
  • Leave a link to your post with the answered questions in the comments section of Wednesday’s WTMFI post. There is a special page for all the links that are submitted, so be sure to submit your links.
  • Have Fun!!!!
  • …Click the Read More button to see Valerie Rayne’s answers …

    (more…)

    I originally posted this on FetLife, but thought I might also get some answers or support here.

    So I was going through my web history today, looking for a site I had visited awhile back and forgot to bookmark. As I’m flipping back pages, I find that The Boyfriend has been looking at porn. Three days this week. I don’t know how and I don’t know when, since the only time he’s awake and I’m not is when the kids are all awake, and he better not be watching or looking at porn while my kids are around him… I don’t think he would.

    What I don’t get is why it bothers me so freaking much. I watch porn, I’m a watcher of porn. I long to be in porn. And yet it boils my blood when I find out that my boyfriend watches porn. And it’s not just The Boyfriend, it’s been every boyfriend I’ve ever had.

    And it’s not like this huge insecurity issue for me. I used to think it was, but now I just don’t care about that aspect. I’ve come to terms with the fact that there’s hotter chicks in the world than me, and even then, he seems to like the “teen” stuff quite a bit, so most of the girls just look awkward. Nice bodies, ugly faces. But that’s not my issue with it.

    I’m not worried about him watching it, and if I were there, I probably wouldn’t care at all. Maybe it’s the fact that I don’t masturbate or watch porn by myself very often, so I’m like jealous that he pleasures himself sexually. But I don’t think that’s it either.

    It’s seriously so retarded. Logically, I know that it’s not like porn is this huge deal for most guys. It’s really not. It’s some visual stimulation, some audio, some great motivation. I know, or at least I’m pretty sure that I know, that he’s not looking at all these girls, wishing that I looked like them or acted like them. I’m pretty darn positive that we are both pretty happy with the way each other has sex. And I’ve never had anyone even come close to complaining about the way I am during sex. I’m a rather confident sexual person.

    But I see that someone’s been looking at porn on the computer, and I know that it could only be him, and I know that he did it while I’m in the house (because I’m never freaking out of the house!!!), and I literally just bubble with rage and I start to cry even though I don’t want to, and I feel like such an idiot for being angry about something that I myself find erotic. Can someone please explain what the hell is going on here?!?!?!?!?

    WTMFI Wednesdays Button

    “Have You Ever…”

    CherriesThis Week’s Questions

    1. Have you ever had someone fart during sex?
    2. Have you ever been injured or injured someone else during sex?
    3. Have you ever not kissed at all during sex?
    4. Have you ever orgasmed from a kiss?
    5. Have you ever tasted your own cum?

    BONUS QUESTION:
    Have you ever stopped suddenly during sex?

    RULES

  • Each week, for Wednesday, you post answers to the five questions that are posted. You may answer all, or only one or two of the questions. You can post in whichever format works for you, be it video, poetry, answers, pictures or audio.
  • Insert the WTMFI Wednesdays image at the top of this post (get instructions here) into your post, linking back to The Rantings of a Tortured Mind – XXX Rated Edition at https://rantingsofatorturedmindxxx.wordpress.com
  • Leave a link to your post with the answered questions in the comments section of Wednesday’s WTMFI post. There is a special page for all the links that are submitted, so be sure to submit your links.
  • Have Fun!!!!
  • …Click the Read More button to see Valerie Rayne’s answers …

    (more…)

    WTMFI Wednesdays Button

    “I’m Cumming”

    CherriesThis Week’s Questions

    1. How old were you when you had your first orgasm? Was it by yourself or with someone else? Do you remember what it felt like?
    2. What does a typical orgasm look like for you? Are you noisy or a breath holder? Do you lay still or squirm about?
    3. Do you find orgasms better during sex or during masturbation?
    4. How often do you orgasm in a week? Would you like that number to be higher or do you think it’s fine?
    5. What is your favorite part of an orgasm? Least favorite?

    BONUS QUESTION:
    Is an orgasm required for you to feel sexually satisfied?

    RULES

  • Each week, for Wednesday, you post answers to the five questions that are posted. You may answer all, or only one or two of the questions. You can post in whichever format works for you, be it video, poetry, answers, pictures or audio.
  • Insert the WTMFI Wednesdays image at the top of this post (get instructions here) into your post, linking back to The Rantings of a Tortured Mind – XXX Rated Edition at https://rantingsofatorturedmindxxx.wordpress.com
  • Leave a link to your post with the answered questions in the comments section of Wednesday’s WTMFI post. There is a special page for all the links that are submitted, so be sure to submit your links.
  • Have Fun!!!!
  • … Click the Read More button to see Valerie Rayne’s answers …

    (more…)

    WTMFI Wednesdays Button

    “You Did What?!? Where?!?”

    CherriesThis Week’s Questions

    1. Have you ever masturbated while someone watched?
    2. Have you ever masturbated in public while no one else was around? What about while someone was?
    3. Have you ever masturbated at school?
    4. Have you ever been caught by your parents masturbating to porn?
    5. Have you ever masturbated for longer than 15 minutes and still didn’t cum? Why do you think that was?

    BONUS QUESTION:
    Have you ever masturbated and felt absolutely ashamed?

    RULES

  • Each week, for Wednesday, you post answers to the five questions that are posted. You may answer all, or only one or two of the questions. You can post in whichever format works for you, be it video, poetry, answers, pictures or audio.
  • Insert the WTMFI Wednesdays image at the top of this post (get instructions here) into your post, linking back to The Rantings of a Tortured Mind – XXX Rated Edition at https://rantingsofatorturedmindxxx.wordpress.com
  • Leave a link to your post with the answered questions in the comments section of Wednesday’s WTMFI post. There is a special page for all the links that are submitted, so be sure to submit your links.
  • Have Fun!!!!
  • … Click the Read More button to see Valerie Rayne’s answers …

    (more…)