Posts Tagged ‘Masturbation’

I hate that I have such a problem with The Boyfriend being sexual without me. From porn to masturbating, I have such a problem with him watching or doing either of those things, without me. It shouldn’t bug me.

I’m the most accepting person I know of the fact that we are all sexual beings with sexual needs and desires. I understand watching porn or masturbating. And yet, just the idea of The Boyfriend masturbating while I’m not there, makes me automatically angry.

For some reason, I’ve been having trust issues with The Boyfriend. He hasn’t done anything at all to deserve it. If anyone has any rights to trust issues, it’s him, not me. And yet I’m almost always saying to him, “I don’t trust you”, especially in all sorts of sexual areas. From did he watch porn (which he hasn’t, and if he has he’s done a spectacular job of hiding it), to is he enjoying having sex with me.

I think it’s partially this immature thought that just because I don’t watch porn or masturbate unless he’s there, that he should just do the same. And that’s unfair for me to ask for. Especially being that guys normally watch porn and masturbate for different reasons than girls do – or at least that’s my theory. I just wish I could figure out the cause of the anger so that I could work towards getting over it.

Today he asks how late Alfie stayed over last night. I don’t ever lie to him about when Alfie was here, because I need to earn back the trust that I lost, and honesty is the number one step to that. I know it bothers him more than anything when Alfie comes over, and I often rationalize with him that Alfie is my only “friend”, my one connection to the outside world that doesn’t consist solely of kids. So he goes and says that every time I let Alfie come over after he leaves for work, he should get to do something that makes me upset. And since the only thing that I’ve ever stated makes me upset is watching porn, he’s basically saying every time Alfie comes over, he’s gonna watch porn.

I said to him, “I hate that you put Alfie and porn in the same category”, because they’re not. Porn is not the father of three of his children, and porn is not the one person he’s considered to be his best friend in the entire world for the last six, almost seven years. Plus, porn doesn’t just show up on his doorstep! Porn doesn’t call him every night and make him feel guilty when he says no to it. Alfie does all that and more. Saying yes to him coming over at night is a thousand times better for everyone, than saying no. Because than we don’t have to deal with immature, dramatic bullshit that Alfie would pull!

I think if he started watching porn as a type of punishment for me hanging out with my only friend (though, if Alfie and I didn’t have kids and such a history, we probably wouldn’t be friends), it would only make things worse. It would halfway drive me to Alfie, because I’d need someone to vent my frustrations to. It’s such a complicated situation, and I need to determine a way to make it less complicated…

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Tonight, as I was flipping vigorously through the channels, I came across a Lori Petty and Keanu Reeves movie, and instantly remembered the first time I was ever sexually aroused by another woman.

Cover of

Cover of Tank Girl

Does anyone remember Tank Girl – the movie? When I was a kid, I remember being totally obsessed with the movie. Remember the part where Lori Petty is in the club and she runs her finger down the guys body? That was the first time ever in my life that I consciously thought about another girl in a sexual way.

When I was younger, and first started masturbating, all I ever fantasized about was doing that to someone, running my finger down their body. Thanks to the very sexy Tank Girl, Lori Petty.

Actress Lori Petty

Image via Wikipedia

It’s official, I need to watch that movie again!!! Just thought I’d share the memory 😉

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WTMFI Wednesdays Button

“Have You Ever…”

CherriesThis Week’s Questions

  1. Have you ever had someone fart during sex?
  2. Have you ever been injured or injured someone else during sex?
  3. Have you ever not kissed at all during sex?
  4. Have you ever orgasmed from a kiss?
  5. Have you ever tasted your own cum?

BONUS QUESTION:
Have you ever stopped suddenly during sex?

RULES

  • Each week, for Wednesday, you post answers to the five questions that are posted. You may answer all, or only one or two of the questions. You can post in whichever format works for you, be it video, poetry, answers, pictures or audio.
  • Insert the WTMFI Wednesdays image at the top of this post (get instructions here) into your post, linking back to The Rantings of a Tortured Mind – XXX Rated Edition at https://rantingsofatorturedmindxxx.wordpress.com
  • Leave a link to your post with the answered questions in the comments section of Wednesday’s WTMFI post. There is a special page for all the links that are submitted, so be sure to submit your links.
  • Have Fun!!!!
  • …Click the Read More button to see Valerie Rayne’s answers …

    (more…)

    WTMFI Wednesdays Button

    “I’m Cumming”

    CherriesThis Week’s Questions

    1. How old were you when you had your first orgasm? Was it by yourself or with someone else? Do you remember what it felt like?
    2. What does a typical orgasm look like for you? Are you noisy or a breath holder? Do you lay still or squirm about?
    3. Do you find orgasms better during sex or during masturbation?
    4. How often do you orgasm in a week? Would you like that number to be higher or do you think it’s fine?
    5. What is your favorite part of an orgasm? Least favorite?

    BONUS QUESTION:
    Is an orgasm required for you to feel sexually satisfied?

    RULES

  • Each week, for Wednesday, you post answers to the five questions that are posted. You may answer all, or only one or two of the questions. You can post in whichever format works for you, be it video, poetry, answers, pictures or audio.
  • Insert the WTMFI Wednesdays image at the top of this post (get instructions here) into your post, linking back to The Rantings of a Tortured Mind – XXX Rated Edition at https://rantingsofatorturedmindxxx.wordpress.com
  • Leave a link to your post with the answered questions in the comments section of Wednesday’s WTMFI post. There is a special page for all the links that are submitted, so be sure to submit your links.
  • Have Fun!!!!
  • … Click the Read More button to see Valerie Rayne’s answers …

    (more…)

    WTMFI Wednesdays Button

    “You Did What?!? Where?!?”

    CherriesThis Week’s Questions

    1. Have you ever masturbated while someone watched?
    2. Have you ever masturbated in public while no one else was around? What about while someone was?
    3. Have you ever masturbated at school?
    4. Have you ever been caught by your parents masturbating to porn?
    5. Have you ever masturbated for longer than 15 minutes and still didn’t cum? Why do you think that was?

    BONUS QUESTION:
    Have you ever masturbated and felt absolutely ashamed?

    RULES

  • Each week, for Wednesday, you post answers to the five questions that are posted. You may answer all, or only one or two of the questions. You can post in whichever format works for you, be it video, poetry, answers, pictures or audio.
  • Insert the WTMFI Wednesdays image at the top of this post (get instructions here) into your post, linking back to The Rantings of a Tortured Mind – XXX Rated Edition at https://rantingsofatorturedmindxxx.wordpress.com
  • Leave a link to your post with the answered questions in the comments section of Wednesday’s WTMFI post. There is a special page for all the links that are submitted, so be sure to submit your links.
  • Have Fun!!!!
  • … Click the Read More button to see Valerie Rayne’s answers …

    (more…)

    Woo! Today was a good day, in the blogging sense. I officially hit the 20 visitor mark!!! It only took me three weeks, and almost no promotion whatsoever, to reach my first XXX Rated Rantings milestone. Thanks to all who are reading.

    So I found out an interesting tidbit today. The Boyfriend has been secretly reading Sadopaeidia by Anonymous – my current favourite erotic novel. His favourite part is my favourite part too. I’ve been reading his Forgotten Realms by R.A. Salvatore books for months now, and I’ve expressed extreme interest in him reading one of my erotic books for a year and a half. So I was pretty excited when he said he’s been reading at least one of them. I knew leaving them in the bathroom would eventually work 😉

    The Boyfriend has been nothing but a tease these last two days. It’s his days off, normally days we have sex. Yesterday, there was alot of talk about how that night was going to be a sex night, and then sadly, he fell asleep while I was breastfeeding. Today has been the worst, and it’s made worse by the fact that I know that it’s just teasing.

    First, he’s sitting on the couch with my hairbrush and he starts slapping it against his leg covered in denim jeans. The sound was truly exhilarating, this sharp thuddy sound. I made him stop that one really quickly. Then, he bought himself a belt with these little studs on it. He’s walking around the house with his shirt off, and the belt was glimmering and I said that it could potentially be fun. Then he goes and tells me he’s been reading my erotica. How much do you want to bet that he’ll fall asleep before I’m done breastfeeding again?

    You know, it wouldn’t bother me at all, if he said to me that he was denying sex for some reason, or if he said that I was being punished. But not having sex, just because we’re not, is killing me. The only times in my life that I go this long without sex is when I’m single or when I’m pregnant. And I’m neither of those things!

    Life has been pretty stressful these last couple of weeks, and my desire for an emotional release through pleasurable pain is through the roof. After almost two years of not, I broke down the other day at the height of my stress – every trigger was being pressed – and gave myself two little cuts. I had forgotten what it was like…

    So someone awhile back, found my blog by searching “audio to masturbate to” – probably found it since it was the same week as WTMFI Wednesdays: Week 2 – Masturbation. And it got me thinking about good music to masturbate to. Being that I often masturbate in the bathtub (when I do masturbate, which isn’t very often), I don’t normally listen to music. Though I totally would!

    I would imagine that music that you have sex to is good for listening to when you masturbate. It also really depends on what you’re into musically in the first place. Someone whose into heavy metal wouldn’t necessarily be turned on by Mozart’s “Moonlight Sonota” (which Steve-O and Sandy have sex to while on acid in SLC Punk, one of my all time favourite movies!!), whereas someone who is into more of a dark rock type sound, might be turned on by Nine Inch Nails’ “Discipline”. Some people would enjoy Britney Spears’ “I’ve got that Boom Boom” or maybe Justin Timberlake ft. Ciara with “Love, Sex, Magic”. It really depends on your taste in music, your mood for that moment, and the type of atmosphere you’re trying to create for yourself.

    Another thing to consider is your visualization skills. If you’re good at visualizing things on your own, without porn or erotica, then pretty much any music would work. If, on the other hand, you have a hard time visualizing things and need porn or erotica, then you’re music should attempt to match the type of stimulation you’re using. For instance, if you’re watching alot of anal stuff, or reading about it or looking at it or whatever you’re doing with the ass area in general, I would definitely say these are 10 songs that should be on your masturbation playlist:

    (NOTE: The average man only lasts 2 – 6 minutes, so only 2 or 3 of these songs would be needed for a session)

    • Bubba Sparx – Ms. New Booty
    • Ludacris ft. Shawna – How Low Can You Go
    • Destiny’s Child – Bootylicious
    • Queen – Fat Bottomed Girls
    • Kelis – Milkshake
    • Mindless Self Indulgence – Ultrasex (Not necessarily just for anal;))
    • Mystikal – Shake Your Ass
    • Sean Paul – Shake That Thing
    • Ying Yang Twins – Ass Cheeks on my White Tee
    • Chamillionaire – Grown and Sexy

    Man, I need to get my ID so that I can go out dancing again. I miss the days of skanky dancing. I don’t really get the chance to be much of a sexual deviant at all in my house. My 5-year-old would pick up on it too much. When I showed an interest in belly dancing, guess who learnt how to do figure eights before me!! So imagine what would it be like if I was dropping it like it was hot on a regular basis around her.

    I don’t even know if I’d still know how to move it like I used to. I haven’t been dancing in almost three years!!! I can’t believe it’s been that long… I used to just go dancing when I was pregnant all the time. I was the only pregnant girl out on the dancefloor! Hopefully by the end of the year, I’ll be able to go dancing, because I miss it so much!!

    I’ve been teasing The Boyfriend with a dirty dance for months now. I just want to wait until I tone up more. I wouldn’t, under almost any circumstance, put me in the fat category. I’m still in single digits in dress and pant size, and I’m in the perfect weight range for my height and age. But I have had four kids, and my body is absolutely not what it used to be – especially not what it was back in the days of skanky dancing. Maybe one day 😉

    I’ve read alot on FetLife about leash dances, and I think that would be so erotic. If one day, The Boyfriend put a collar around my neck with a leash attached, and hung the leash up using a hook of some sort and instructed me to dance for him, I think I probably would. And I would probably play Chamillionaire’s “Grown and Sexy” or Kelis’ “Milkshake”.

    Well here’s hopping that soon the XXX Rated Rantings starts getting some comments and I’ll be looking forward to the 30 visitor mark!!! What’s some music that you enjoy listening to when you’re masturbating or having sex?

    WTMFI Wednesdays Button

    “When I Think About You

    I Touch Myself”

    Cherries
    This Week’s Questions

    1. How often do you masturbate? How long does a session last?
    2. Have you ever been caught masturbating?
    3. Do you masturbate solely for you pleasure or do you masturbate for others pleasure? Have you ever masturbated because it was necessary?
    4. One hand or two? If you don’t use your hands, what do you use?
    5. Have you ever taken pictures or video of you or someone else masturbating? What format did you use? Where is that material now?

    BONUS QUESTION:
    What do you think about most often when you masturbate? What’s the best fantasy you’ve ever come up with while masturbating?

    RULES

  • Each week, for Wednesday, you post answers to the five questions that are posted. You may answer all, or only one or two of the questions. You can post in whichever format works for you, be it video, poetry, answers, pictures or audio.
  • Insert the WTMFI Wednesdays image at the top of this post (get instructions here) into your post, linking back to The Rantings of a Tortured Mind – XXX Rated Edition at https://rantingsofatorturedmindxxx.wordpress.com
  • Leave a link to your post with the answered questions in the comments section of Wednesday’s WTMFI post. There is a special page for all the links that are submitted, so be sure to submit your links.
  • Have Fun!!!!
  • … Click the Read More button to see Valerie Rayne’s answers …

    (more…)