Posts Tagged ‘Punishment’

The night before last, The Boyfriend finally used the bondage tape on me. He seemed to have a much more luck with the tape then when I tried it out. He artfully wrapped my wrists together and then connected them to the bed so that my arms were together and over my head.

You’d think with all my image issues, that laying there, completely exposed and naked, would’ve made me helpless and out of control and vulnerable. Alas, it did no such thing. I still felt like I had complete control of the situation (even after he bound my feet together), I felt empowered and sexy and desirable. And while all that is great and good, I wanted to feel that weakness and vulnerability.

Ever since that night, it’s all I can think about. In day-to-day life, I have to be so in control of everything. In control of the kids, in control of the cleaning, in control of the money, so in control… Back in the day, I would’ve just been happy with that.

A friend on FetLife today, asked if I’d had any luck dominating The Boyfriend and I remembered the last time I attempted to dominate him and felt completely uncomfortable. I almost felt more vulnerable topping him. It got me thinking though about whether or not I actually desire to dominate The Boyfriend.

I’m so naturally submissive to him sexually. Even though, I’m normally a take control type of girl in the bedroom, and usually am the one initiating everything. With him, I crave his approval and am constantly thinking of pleasing him (not only sexually, but in other areas – even though I’m not very good at it), and it just seems that submission is the best course.

When I think about it, I desire to submit to him more than I desire to dominate him. I just wish I could feel less in control with him, during sexual things mostly. I wish that I had defined limitation for him to break, though currently I’ve got such an, “I’m open to anything” attitude, that it makes it very hard for him.

I think after the better majority of our life is under more control (mostly finances), I’m gonna seriously start pushing for us to create some sort of defined relationship type dealy. We’ve both shown great interest in the idea of punishments and rewards, and I think it would be a great motivator for me to accomplish some of the goals that I’ve put out for myself this year.

I’ve told him that I think it would be cool if we had set rules, like for instance, at a certain time everyday I have to do a workout (and since he’s always said he wants to be my personal trainer, he can choose the exercises), and if I don’t, I get punished with something that I wouldn’t like. Preferably something humiliating. Or that all the dishes have to be done and put away, or I’ll be forced to do something like, the dishes naked or clean the toilet with a toothbrush or stand in the corner or something.

I think I’m just mostly determined to take the only-for-foreplay thing out of the parts of our sex life that excite me the most. It’s something I really want to try 24/7, not 15 minutes once a week!

Woo! Today was a good day, in the blogging sense. I officially hit the 20 visitor mark!!! It only took me three weeks, and almost no promotion whatsoever, to reach my first XXX Rated Rantings milestone. Thanks to all who are reading.

So I found out an interesting tidbit today. The Boyfriend has been secretly reading Sadopaeidia by Anonymous – my current favourite erotic novel. His favourite part is my favourite part too. I’ve been reading his Forgotten Realms by R.A. Salvatore books for months now, and I’ve expressed extreme interest in him reading one of my erotic books for a year and a half. So I was pretty excited when he said he’s been reading at least one of them. I knew leaving them in the bathroom would eventually work 😉

The Boyfriend has been nothing but a tease these last two days. It’s his days off, normally days we have sex. Yesterday, there was alot of talk about how that night was going to be a sex night, and then sadly, he fell asleep while I was breastfeeding. Today has been the worst, and it’s made worse by the fact that I know that it’s just teasing.

First, he’s sitting on the couch with my hairbrush and he starts slapping it against his leg covered in denim jeans. The sound was truly exhilarating, this sharp thuddy sound. I made him stop that one really quickly. Then, he bought himself a belt with these little studs on it. He’s walking around the house with his shirt off, and the belt was glimmering and I said that it could potentially be fun. Then he goes and tells me he’s been reading my erotica. How much do you want to bet that he’ll fall asleep before I’m done breastfeeding again?

You know, it wouldn’t bother me at all, if he said to me that he was denying sex for some reason, or if he said that I was being punished. But not having sex, just because we’re not, is killing me. The only times in my life that I go this long without sex is when I’m single or when I’m pregnant. And I’m neither of those things!

Life has been pretty stressful these last couple of weeks, and my desire for an emotional release through pleasurable pain is through the roof. After almost two years of not, I broke down the other day at the height of my stress – every trigger was being pressed – and gave myself two little cuts. I had forgotten what it was like…

So someone awhile back, found my blog by searching “audio to masturbate to” – probably found it since it was the same week as WTMFI Wednesdays: Week 2 – Masturbation. And it got me thinking about good music to masturbate to. Being that I often masturbate in the bathtub (when I do masturbate, which isn’t very often), I don’t normally listen to music. Though I totally would!

I would imagine that music that you have sex to is good for listening to when you masturbate. It also really depends on what you’re into musically in the first place. Someone whose into heavy metal wouldn’t necessarily be turned on by Mozart’s “Moonlight Sonota” (which Steve-O and Sandy have sex to while on acid in SLC Punk, one of my all time favourite movies!!), whereas someone who is into more of a dark rock type sound, might be turned on by Nine Inch Nails’ “Discipline”. Some people would enjoy Britney Spears’ “I’ve got that Boom Boom” or maybe Justin Timberlake ft. Ciara with “Love, Sex, Magic”. It really depends on your taste in music, your mood for that moment, and the type of atmosphere you’re trying to create for yourself.

Another thing to consider is your visualization skills. If you’re good at visualizing things on your own, without porn or erotica, then pretty much any music would work. If, on the other hand, you have a hard time visualizing things and need porn or erotica, then you’re music should attempt to match the type of stimulation you’re using. For instance, if you’re watching alot of anal stuff, or reading about it or looking at it or whatever you’re doing with the ass area in general, I would definitely say these are 10 songs that should be on your masturbation playlist:

(NOTE: The average man only lasts 2 – 6 minutes, so only 2 or 3 of these songs would be needed for a session)

  • Bubba Sparx – Ms. New Booty
  • Ludacris ft. Shawna – How Low Can You Go
  • Destiny’s Child – Bootylicious
  • Queen – Fat Bottomed Girls
  • Kelis – Milkshake
  • Mindless Self Indulgence – Ultrasex (Not necessarily just for anal;))
  • Mystikal – Shake Your Ass
  • Sean Paul – Shake That Thing
  • Ying Yang Twins – Ass Cheeks on my White Tee
  • Chamillionaire – Grown and Sexy

Man, I need to get my ID so that I can go out dancing again. I miss the days of skanky dancing. I don’t really get the chance to be much of a sexual deviant at all in my house. My 5-year-old would pick up on it too much. When I showed an interest in belly dancing, guess who learnt how to do figure eights before me!! So imagine what would it be like if I was dropping it like it was hot on a regular basis around her.

I don’t even know if I’d still know how to move it like I used to. I haven’t been dancing in almost three years!!! I can’t believe it’s been that long… I used to just go dancing when I was pregnant all the time. I was the only pregnant girl out on the dancefloor! Hopefully by the end of the year, I’ll be able to go dancing, because I miss it so much!!

I’ve been teasing The Boyfriend with a dirty dance for months now. I just want to wait until I tone up more. I wouldn’t, under almost any circumstance, put me in the fat category. I’m still in single digits in dress and pant size, and I’m in the perfect weight range for my height and age. But I have had four kids, and my body is absolutely not what it used to be – especially not what it was back in the days of skanky dancing. Maybe one day 😉

I’ve read alot on FetLife about leash dances, and I think that would be so erotic. If one day, The Boyfriend put a collar around my neck with a leash attached, and hung the leash up using a hook of some sort and instructed me to dance for him, I think I probably would. And I would probably play Chamillionaire’s “Grown and Sexy” or Kelis’ “Milkshake”.

Well here’s hopping that soon the XXX Rated Rantings starts getting some comments and I’ll be looking forward to the 30 visitor mark!!! What’s some music that you enjoy listening to when you’re masturbating or having sex?