Posts Tagged ‘sex’

WTMFI Wednesdays Button

“Girl Power”

CherriesThis Week’s Questions

  1. Do you love your vagina, like your vagina or hate your vagina?
  2. Do you use tampons or pads?
  3. Are you satisfied with your breast size?
  4. If you could change only one part of your body, what would you change and why?
  5. When having sex, how do you like to have your hair?

BONUS QUESTION:
Do you wear make-up? All the time or only sometimes? Lots or just a little?

RULES

  • Each week, for Wednesday, you post answers to the five questions that are posted. You may answer all, or only one or two of the questions. You can post in whichever format works for you, be it video, poetry, answers, pictures or audio.
  • Insert the WTMFI Wednesdays image at the top of this post (get instructions here) into your post, linking back to The Rantings of a Tortured Mind – XXX Rated Edition at https://rantingsofatorturedmindxxx.wordpress.com
  • Leave a link to your post with the answered questions in the comments section of Wednesday’s WTMFI post. There is a special page for all the links that are submitted, so be sure to submit your links.
  • Have Fun!!!!
  • …Click the Read More button to see Valerie Rayne’s answers … (more…)

    These last couple of days has been completely unsatisfying. From lack of communication to sex that ends badly, it’s just been a series of days that makes me want to cry.

    After reaching my breaking point with the whole porn thing, I wrote The Boyfriend a message bitching about it on Facebook while he was at work, since apparently we can’t talk in person. Not a single response back, not on Facebook, not in real life, nothing. So the first two or three days he was home on days off, we pretty much sat in silent. When we did talk, it was about video games or movies that are coming out.

    Then we had sex. I had said I wasn’t going to until he talked to me about some of the shit that I’ve been complaining about. But when you have him next to you, it’s very very hard to resist temptation. The sex was good for the most part. I didn’t get off, even though I tried really hard, and then after we were done he rolled over and fell asleep. Things stayed kind of awkward, but less silent.

    Then we went to a family gathering two days ago, even though on many levels I didn’t want to. My brother showed up here, and The Boyfriend says to me that he’s not allowed to come with us. And I was completely crushed. I hate how we can be involved with each other’s families, but god forbid our families be involved with each other. Especially if they’re in a mental institution. I just don’t get it some days. Don’t really feel like bitching much about it. But it was also cold and windy out and I’ve been in this state of not liking the state of our relationship, and I don’t want to go around making it seem to everyone else like we’re okay. I did that with Alfie all the time, and it just feels like you’re completely lying.

    So we finish there and come home and decide we’re going to pick up the 3rd season of Gilmore Girls so that we’d have something to watch. He missed work last night, and as we’re watching TV, I reach over to put my hand on his leg, end up touching cock instead. While I went from not even thinking about sex (I know, surprise!), to wanting him so bad.

    It was really great sex. As it almost always is. Lately afterwards though, I feel so deflated and wrong. I don’t even really know how to explain exactly how I feel. I’ve noticed that unless I go into detail about what I liked about the sex, we don’t talk about it at all. The last couple of times, I’ve just sat silently afterwards waiting for him to say something that makes me feel good about what we’ve just done. The most I’ve gotten was, “That was amazing!”. And while in man land, that may be an acceptable answer, in Valerie Land, I need so much more than that.

    I just want someone who will pay half as much attention to me as I do to them. Will remember some little detail of a story that I told them once in passing, and when I talk about it again they’ll be able to say, “I’ve heard this already” or someone who notices my neck is hurting because I’m turning my entire body instead of just my head. Someone who will notice I’m having a crappy day and will try to be comforting instead of just giving me the silent treatment. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to find a person who cares about me as much as I care about them. I don’t think I’m ever going to find Mr./Mrs. Right. I’ll probably spend my entire life finding alot of Mr./Mrs. Almost Rights, but nothing that is ever going to truly and completely fill my happiness/satisfaction meter.

    I think I just seriously need to orgasm. Two times in the last little while, I’ve been brought very close. Incredibly close. And two times, I haven’t gotten off. Add that on top of my previous sexually frustrated self, and I’m literally a time bomb just waiting to go off.

    Well, here’s to the start of another set of days off. Hopefully this week is better than all the last. As long as he doesn’t watch porn (or at least, covers it up better), then we should all be good. I hate that I’m like that…

    WTMFI Wednesdays Button

    “Did What? With Who?”

    CherriesThis Week’s Questions

    1. Have you ever cheated on someone? Have you ever been cheated on?
    2. Do you think monogamy is really possible?
    3. What has your longest relationship been? Were you faithful the entire time?
    4. Would you forgive someone who cheated on you?
    5. Who is the one celebrity you wouldn’t think twice about cheating on your partner with?

    BONUS QUESTION:
    Have you ever heard of Cuckoldry? Does it interest you?

    RULES

  • Each week, for Wednesday, you post answers to the five questions that are posted. You may answer all, or only one or two of the questions. You can post in whichever format works for you, be it video, poetry, answers, pictures or audio.
  • Insert the WTMFI Wednesdays image at the top of this post (get instructions here) into your post, linking back to The Rantings of a Tortured Mind – XXX Rated Edition at https://rantingsofatorturedmindxxx.wordpress.com
  • Leave a link to your post with the answered questions in the comments section of Wednesday’s WTMFI post. There is a special page for all the links that are submitted, so be sure to submit your links.
  • Have Fun!!!!
  • …Click the Read More button to see Valerie Rayne’s answers …

    (more…)

    So today, has not been a good day and I don’t think it’s going to get any better. Probably worse, but not better. As the kids and I are heading over to Mama T’s house today for an amazing barbecued dinner, The Boyfriend says he’s probably gonna go straight to sleep. And I say, “Yeah right, you’re probably gonna watch porn first.” and he goes, “I’ve been doing really good on not watching porn.” So I say, “Yeah but no one is going to be here.” He didn’t watch porn, but the whole entire conversation just sucked.

    I pointed out to him the other day that he watches porn more than we have sex! Well I go over to Mama T’s, a little snappy because I’m just not happy. She asks what’s up, and I go into this entire thing about our sex life. Start crying about it and everything. I’m just so freaking upset over this whole porn thing lately, and the fact that I’m only getting laid once a week and most of the time it’s completely vanilla sex, and The Boyfriend is constantly teasing me with adding BDSM to our lifestyle!!

    Then my Mom goes and says that I need to find a friend to talk to about all this stuff. A real human, not someone off the internet. And I just burst out into tears more. I have a hard enough time finding a person I like, let alone a person that’s going to like and accept me. I can’t talk to normal people about anything because all I ever want to talk about is sex.

    So of course, after bawling my eyes out over something as petty as The Boyfriend and porn and my lack of sex, I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe it’s time for me to seek some help for this whole thing. It feels like I’m trapped in this sexuality. I can’t be me, I can’t not be me. I can’t be the sexual being I long to be, because I can’t find a single fucking person to be there with me.

    I can’t even talk to other people about it, because no one else gets it. I just feel so sexually frustrated and stifled. And when I talk to the people in my life about it, it just scares them. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so completely alone in this whole thing. This whole trying to discover who my sexual self is. And I hate that trying to get through this point right now, is being so hard. I hate that my sex life makes me cry…

    The preoccupation with sex is what’s starting to worry me. There doesn’t seem to be many moments in the day when I’m not thinking about it, or wanting it or writing about it or reading about it. It just always seems to be on my mind. I don’t want it to ever get to the point where I can’t control it. And sometimes I don’t even think I can do that now.

    It’ll get to the point where I want it all the time, and I’ll do anything to get it. And I don’t want it to get there. That scares me. So I’m thinking some sex addiction therapy might help me out. But even that scares me. I like that I’m sexual and open. But I hate that I can’t be, because I don’t know a single other person who is even a little bit like me.

    I’m just so lost…

    For 15 weeks, I’ve been doing WTMFI Wednesdays (almost religiously), and I’ve gotten a few quick comments but no serious participants. This morning, I woke  up and checked my e-mail, like every other morning, and I had a comment notification. I hopped on over to my blog to check it out, and imagine my excitement when it was a link to blog where someone had replied to WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 15: Sexting, where you’re asked some questions about technology and sex.

    So the very first real reply to WTMFI Wednesdays comes from Screaming Violet, a horny housewife, a whore and a blogger (as her site states…). Check out her blog here, or follow her on Twitter.

    Now it’s time for me to rant…

    The list of insecurities I’m feeling seems to grow every single day lately. I think The Boyfriend is beginning to feel a little frustrated by it. He’ll say, “That shirt looks good on you.” and I’ll say, “Yeah, I have a mirror, and no it doesn’t” and then I roll my eyes at him. Today, I compared myself to a girl that he thought was much uglier than I. I hope it doesn’t ever become a problem.

    If I really think about it, it already is. I don’t put myself out there or dress up and get sexy for him. I complain all the time that I’m not getting enough sex (which you’ll hear more about in a minute…), and then I don’t do anything to make him desire me. It’s kind of my own fault.

    But it’s hard when I don’t feel like he really truly desires me sexually. On average in a month, he watches porn more than we have sex. And even though he’s got four nights off a week now, we tend to still only have sex once a week. And most times it seems like he’s avoiding it. We’ll stay up late playing games and/or on the computer and next thing we know 4 AM is rolling around and he’s too tired to keep his eyes open long enough for a goodnight kiss, let alone a goodnight romp.

    I remembered today why I don’t ask him questions either. I hear the answers and then they just play over and over again in my mind. I ask what his fascination is with porn. He’s gotta know that the entire thing is bugging the heck out of me. If he hasn’t read my blog about it yet, I’ve been telling him almost everyday not to watch porn, today I told him I knew how much he’d been watching it. He said the sound of porn was fascinating to him. He uses headphones to listen. He probably wouldn’t watch it if he couldn’t hear it. It just keeps playing…

    Then, I was so excited about the fire pit(s) and the munches, and the whole idea of going to them. And of course they have to be on days when The Boyfriend works. I don’t think he’s very comfortable with me proceeding on with the whole BDSM lifestyle without him. Especially being that he views it as something that precedes sex.

    I’ve been thinking alot about looking into apprenticing under a professional Domme. It’s something that I’ve been interested in doing for years, and just never thought I actually could. It would also be really nice to get into some fetish modeling. Again, all things I don’t think The Boyfriend is 100% okay with.

    I keep having this internal argument with myself over the whole thing. Sometimes I wanna be like screw The Boyfriend, if he can’t handle who I am, he can leave. His choice. But other times, I just can’t imagine living my life without him. I sometimes want to throw my hands up and sacrifice this dream that I’ve been chasing for almost ten years now. And every time I get my hopes up that this relationship will eventually transform into the sexual relationship that I’m craving for it to be, something happens that just reminds me that it probably won’t ever get there.

    I’d be lucky to get sex more than once a week on a regular basis and not have to compete with porn all the time…

    WTMFI Wednesdays Button

    “R U LOL?”

    CherriesThis Week’s Questions

    1. Have you ever used your cellphone to send racy pictures or messages?
    2. Do you use a webcam for sexual purposes?
    3. How often do you have cyber sex?
    4. Do you use the internet to look at porn?
    5. Do you think X-rated content is too easy to access or too difficult?

    BONUS QUESTION:
    What’s your stance on long-distance online relationships?

    RULES

  • Each week, for Wednesday, you post answers to the five questions that are posted. You may answer all, or only one or two of the questions. You can post in whichever format works for you, be it video, poetry, answers, pictures or audio.
  • Insert the WTMFI Wednesdays image at the top of this post (get instructions here) into your post, linking back to The Rantings of a Tortured Mind – XXX Rated Edition at https://rantingsofatorturedmindxxx.wordpress.com
  • Leave a link to your post with the answered questions in the comments section of Wednesday’s WTMFI post. There is a special page for all the links that are submitted, so be sure to submit your links.
  • Have Fun!!!!
  • …Click the Read More button to see Valerie Rayne’s answers …

    (more…)

    I don’t want to start this post with “Last night…”, but I can’t seem to find any other way that seems appropriate for what I’m about to go into. So, last night… What was that movie from the 90’s with Kirsten Dunst? Crazy Beautiful, was it? That was what my experience was last night.

    The night started with playful spankings, that didn’t seem like they were going to get any more serious than what they were. Everyone was still awake, it was more of like a love tap, if you will. After it was just us awake, everything changed.

    I had been lazing around in a bra and a pair of jeans, because my house for some reason is incredibly warm. But then The Boyfriend asked if I’d go change into something a little shorter, so he could rub my legs, supposedly his favorite part of my body. I’m not one who really likes to show off a lot of skin. If it wasn’t for the fact that I was boiling hot, rarely would you catch me showing off my stomach!!

    So even though the playful spankings earlier in the night, and the rubbing of the legs had totally started to show on my underwear, my insecurities tried to cock block me. The Boyfriend gets me to turn to face him (originally I was laying down on my stomach), and immediately I just started thinking over and over again, “He’s gonna think you’re fat! He’s gonna think you’re ugly!”.

    He pulls the pillow that I was using as my stomach shield off, pulls me in close and gives me a deep, passionate, amazing kiss. Literally, in the moment of a kiss, I felt my insecurities fade. It was as if his lips took me out of my mind and into my body. I no longer thought, I just felt.

    My plan was to spend awhile teasing him until I had become satisfied with some sort of impact, whether it be spanking or him going to get the flogger. After a bunch of making out, a thousand more amazing kisses, and some smacking and forceful grabbing, I could no longer hold off.

    After what seemed like a really long time of me being on top of him, I knelt on the couch ready for him to take me from behind. I had my head resting on the back of the couch, supported by only my chin. And my fingers were eagerly between my legs. My skirt covered most of my ass, and my legs were spread wide as he pounded me from behind.

    After he came, I stayed in the same position, playing with myself as he spanked me. Seriously spanked me. Carefully slapping my sit spot, hard and fast. My ass was stinging, my pussy was swollen, my body was drenched in sweat. My toes pointed vigorously as a few blows fell in quick succession and I flinched away from them.

    I erupted into an intense, muscle-tightening orgasm. My legs went from bent flat on the couch, to pointed straight up towards my head. My body pushed down, and I felt like I wasn’t even there. Just my convulsing orgasm. It seemed so much bigger and greater than me.

    I felt weak and dizzy and sore and incredibly enlightened by the whole experience. Sadly, aftercare doesn’t seem to be part of sexual dictionary yet. Because even though it had some hardcore impact elements, it was treated like every other night of sex. Smoke and then bed. Even when we got in bed, The Boyfriend passed out the second his head hit the pillow, and he wasn’t even cuddling me.

    The whole thing was amazing, but I really feel like I could’ve used some cuddling and some reassurance that I did good. Maybe rubbing my sore red ass, or telling me how much fun it was. I wanted to collapse into someone’s arms, because that’s what I felt like doing.

    I haven’t completely talked to The Boyfriend about the fire pit or the munch this month either. He saw the post-it note that I wrote all the information on, and I told him about the personal invite, but I haven’t yet said I want to go. I’m kind of hoping he’ll be like, “I noticed you had some stuff written down, did you want to go to it?” and then I’d be all like, “Kinda. Do you?” and then in a perfect world, he’d be all like, “Yeah, I would love to go. I’ll make sure I don’t work that night.” and blam, it would be done.

    I just hate constantly feeling like I’m trying to convert him. Because I don’t want to change who he is, especially not sexually. If it’s not him, I don’t want him to feel pressured to do it.