Posts Tagged ‘Techniques’

Last night, The Boyfriend and I were so lucky. My Mom took the kids overnight, and we got to go out, just the two of us. It rarely happens, so you can imagine the relief we both felt.

I had mentioned a fire pit event that I was interested in going to, hosted by BUD for the Bodies Under Domination group of FetLife. His was also the first munch I ever successfully attended. There was also a munch today that I was hoping to go to, but no babysitter unfortunately.

The Boyfriend basically said that it would be cool to go, but made no strides in doing so. Yesterday, we went to the exercise park with the kids and my Mom came outside with us, so without even consulting The Boyfriend, I just asked if she would watch the kids so that I could go to the fire pit. I had made the decision by that point that I was going, regardless of his decision.

But then, he seemed excited about it and we spent the next two hours rushing around getting the kids and ourselves ready to go. Then we went out to the fire pit. There was only two others there besides The Boyfriend and I. But it ended up working out so much in our favor that it didn’t even matter.

After sitting out at the fire pit, just shooting the shit, we got into my favorite parts of the conversation. One thing lead to another, and one of the people is pulling out a bag of toys. So we head inside, set up a table, and lay out a huge duffle bag full of toys.

From long 24″ leather floggers, to crops and canes and even shoes and over-sized fly swatter, I just sat mesmerized. Both The Boyfriend and I were just staring in amazement at the delights that laid before us. Then came the touching. Each toy was picked up, carefully inspected. After I was done looking at anything, I’d hand it to The Boyfriend, and he’d inspect it.

Then I asked a question about flogging, and next thing you know, guy with bag is standing there while BUD shows me on him how to do some basic flogging swings. Then, the most exciting part happened. BUD tells me, just try to hit him with it. I had picked out a 24″ Red and Black Leather flogger. I was incredibly nervous.

This person wasn’t my boyfriend, I had just met him that night, and I was so flustered and giddy. But I got a few good swings in (very gentle swings, but good technique), and it was a very good educational experience. I learnt ALOT!!!! Then I got to try out this really awesome slapper that The Boyfriend and I are both seriously wanting.

The Boyfriend stood in the background, carefully watching me. I was so nervous that he’d be upset that I was flogging someone else, and I didn’t even think to ask him if he was okay with it until I had already started. When we left, he said that he just felt very excited for me. I felt very excited too.

After some practicing with the flogger, and getting tons of really usefully tips, and playing with a slapper, we went back out to the pit and talked some more. Then The Boyfriend came home. The night, from that point on, was filled with more communication than I ever think we’ve experienced together.

On the way home, we mostly talked about the entire experience of the night. He shared what he thought and felt, and I just kept thinking that he sounded so into it. Then I asked, completely outright without any type of insecurity involved, if I looked good wielding a big flogger, to which I got a speedy “Yes”.

So we stopped at one of The Boyfriend’s friends houses, and a Chris Rock special was on the Comedy Network. He was telling a joke about once a guy has sex that he likes, he always wants his sex like that. Something to do with girls licking anus‘. To which The Boyfriend’s friend was overwhelming disgusted. This friend and I are both very stubborn people. I’m stubborn in my open-mindedness and acceptance of thing, and he’s stubborn in his close-mindedness. So we get into a mini argument about why he wouldn’t even consider letting a girl go anywhere near his ass.

So on the remainder of the drive home, The Boyfriend and I were mostly talking about anal play with males. I’m kind of known for being that girl that introduces guys to that whole thing. With every boyfriend I’ve had up to this point in my life, I’m the one that suggests a finger in the ass for them, and I’m the one to do it. I even have an entire technique and system.

And it’s not like I’m some pervert obsessed with ass play type deal. It is purely this rule that I have about sexual acts in general. You can’t ever say that you don’t like something without trying it first. Anatomically, the male G-spot is against his prostate gland, which can only be accessed via perineum stimulation and anal penetration. I haven’t personally found my own G-spot, but if it feels as good as people say it does, than why would anyone not want to experience it?

The trick is to warm a guy up to it. And they sure as hell aren’t going to let you do it to them, if they don’t get to do it to you. This may be completely different for older people, in a kinkier world. But in my young, mostly vanilla world, you have to receive to be allowed to give, and vice versa.

I tend to love to play with balls, it’s just one of my things. Balls and pre-cum, I can’t get enough of it. I’d probably make a pretty good guy 😉 So when I decide that we’re finally at a point in the relationship, where he trusts me with his body (basically, if he’ll let you tie him up or cover his eyes, then you’re probably okay to give it a try), I’ll begin playing with his balls. I’ll reach as low as I can, and take both balls in my hands. Slowly I make my way to his perineum, just very gently touching it.

Then you apply a little bit of pressure. It’s always great in that area to keep your finger flat against his perineum, that way there’s less of a chance of scratching anything with nails. Generally, it’s a very gradual thing. I think once you decide that you really want to get a finger in your boyfriend’s butt, you should take your time and slowly build up to it. You don’t want him freaking out about it, and telling you know. You’d rather him tell you that he’s ready for it. This could take a couple of days, a couple of months or years.

Guys that I know and have successfully penetrated anally, are normally not into the idea of it at all. Prior to meeting me, they had never really had a desire to have anything in their anus. Exit only type of people. Most times, I don’t ask them or discuss it with them, I just ease them into the idea of it with simple techniques until eventually they grab the lube an ask for it themselves.

It normally takes me a minimum of three serious “I’m into it” sessions, before the big first penetration session. He’s oblivious to the fact that I have any interest in it. So the first time, I grab his balls and lift them up, just gently running the flat of my finger from the bottom of his balls to his perineum just a little bit and very gently. The next session, I’ll rub his balls and slowly move until my finger is mostly on his perineum, gently rubbing in a circular motion. On the third time, I cover his entire perineum with my finger, and as I rub in a circular motion, I gently dip the tip of my finger just where it’s touching his anus. Do that a few more times, and soon after that, it will be when you least expect it, he’ll whisper in your ear and next thing you know, you’ll be gently working your way into his anus.

My top rules are always always always use lube. There is never a time when you enter someone’s anus that you shouldn’t be using lube. The anus has no natural lubrication, and the friction can cause tearing, which can cause even more problems. Another rule is to go very gently to start out with. You don’t want the person to clench up and potentially tear or cause other damage.

So far, I have found two very specific things to do that seems to be of great enjoyment, though would love any suggestions if you have any. As I’m normally on the bottom, and he’s normally on top, and we’re normally having sex at the point of penetration, I can really only give suggestions on that position, though I’m sure if you mixed it up more you could do some other great things.

When he’s pumping in and out of me quickly, I tend to just flick my finger back and forth. Then when he slows, gently pulling my finger back and forth. I try to never let my finger come out of his ass, because I know from my own anal explorations that once it’s out it’s very hard for me to get to the point where I’m okay with it going back in. Also the closer you get to the outside of his anus, the more he’s going to tighten up, and again you don’t want to be pushing back inside him while he’s all clenched. So just slow and gentle movements. When he wants it harder, he’ll push against your finger. I don’t even think they do it on purpose, I think it’s just the bodies reaction to it.

I wasn’t planning on going off about that so much… But it was basically what I told The Boyfriend. I’m the vanilla male anal breaker 😉

So after hours of communicating, talking about what we both seem to like and dislike about various aspects of BDSM, story-telling and more, we had planned to play games, but then everything just ended up turning sexual.

We had sex with the lights on for the first time in months! I felt incredibly uncomfortable, but at the same time I was so excited about the fact that I could be as noisy as I wanted, that I hardly even noticed. My favorite thing about having the light on, is I could tell every single time he looked at me. I’ve always loved that about sex. That exchange. I feel like we connect on a very deep level when we’re fucking each other, and then just slow down and stare into each others eyes. Even when we’re having rough, crazy, dirty sex it feels so intimate and passionate.

After what felt like a long time, but was less than 30 minutes, The Boyfriend came and once we cleaned up a little, it was my turn to cum. He was rubbing my legs as I rhythmically played with my clit. After awhile of this he finally put his finger in my pussy, and within seconds I was cumming, my entire body clenching frantically. We fell asleep almost immediately after that, him holding me and me holding him.

Last night was an incredible night. From the amazing, educational fire pit, to the intimate and loud sex, I can’t wait for more nights like that!

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I’ve been working really hard today on various blog stuff, mostly getting The Art Of... up and running. I’ve decided to set up a different blog for it, since I felt like I couldn’t get the flexibility I desired out of presenting it solely as a series here on The XXX Rated Rantings. I’m hoping to have my first lesson posted by the end of this month, though the research is killing me.

I spent probably close to three hours today, going through definitions on Wikipedia and looking for more beginner type information. I figure for the first couple of lessons, I’ll take more of a beginners focus and carry it onwards from there. I don’t think that I have the authority to really write about advanced BDSM techniques and activities, when I myself am still just a mere newbie.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this either. I figured after Alfie and I broke up, that I would spend at least a year just experimenting with my sexuality. Experiencing more BDSM and kink. Especially being that I haven’t really gotten to experience BDSM anywhere near the degree that I’d like to be experiencing it at. But then I met The Boyfriend, and he’s not kinky really at all, but he’s too amazing for me to just pass up. Plus, he’s always shown a hidden interest in the more kinky.

Before I got pregnant, and up until about my 5th or 6th month, we had gotten into spanking quite a bit. Had a couple really intense sessions. My favourite one, which we even have pictures from, I got all dressed up and put on some make up (which doesn’t happen nearly as often as I wish it did). The Boyfriend had me lean over the ottoman in the living room, and it was just such an amazing experience.

I had been asking him for months to use a hairbrush as a spanking tool. I wanted to feel the harsh, thuddy impact and then feel the bristles of the brush dragged along the redness. The Boyfriend made it even better by grabbing an ice cube and melting all over the spots he had spanked and then dragging the bristles across my skin. I had such a hard time staying still.

Since I had my last, we’ve only had one sex session which involved spanking, and it was so mild, you could technically call it love taps or sex taps. Not a real spanking. I’ve been craving one so bad too. I’d love for him to spank me and call me a dirty whore, but he says he won’t ever call me something that’s “disrespectful”. I just laugh hysterically every time he says it.

The thing that sucks most about doing all this research about BDSM, is I really realize what I’m missing out on. I’m so jealous of the people that get to live in this lifestyle 24/7 or even just casually on weekends. I want to be one of those people. I’m determined that one day I will be. Though I can’t even know that for sure, maybe in reality, I’m not actually into BDSM. Just into the idea of it.

One thing that I’ve always been interested in receiving as a submissive is sort of behaviour modification, if you will. I would like rules about the way I am to conduct my day and myself. I would like a punishment if I sleep in past a certain time, or don’t have breakfast made by a certain time. I would like workouts and healthy eating to be part of my rules. I would like to have someone to be accountable to, other than myself. I think it would be very powerful, and I think my life would change dramatically.

Today, I did a 20 minute workout on my Wii Your Shape game. The whole time, I kept thinking, I would be much more motivated to do this workout if I knew that if I didn’t, I would have consequences. Such as, The Boyfriend teases me all day and then denies me orgasm because I didn’t complete my workout, or didn’t give 100% or whatever the stipulations that we agree upon are.

I think, once I’ve got breast feeding a little more under control, and have some sort of pumping schedule, I’m gonna start going to munches again. The last time The Boyfriend and I went, it truly sparked his interest. That night, all I heard about was how much he thought the idea of tying me up was arousing. It helped that everyone at the munch was so excepting and eager to teach the “vanilla” boyfriend. I think that really made him feel comfortable and more willing to learn than I could’ve ever made him.

And trust me, I had tried alot prior to the munch. I would leave websites for him to look at, I would search for interesting pictures and show them to him, I would try to read erotica to him. He never really showed interest until that first munch. After that, I would literally say “I want a spanking” and I would get one. Now, it’s hard to just get vanilla sex, which is a little disappointing.

I wish I could learn everything I wanted to know, in one spot, without having to spend hours and hours searching to find it. I mean, there’s just so much about sex and sexuality and BDSM and fetishes that I want to know more about. I suppose a really smart person would probably tell me that I won’t learn half of the things that I really want to know, until I myself experience it. It’s much like having sex. People can tell you a thousand times about their experiences with sex, and the medical parts of sex. Yet, it’s never what you expect it to be.

Well I think that’s all I have to write today. Maybe again tomorrow? We’ll see!