Passionate

I’m feeling very turned on right now, not 100% sure why. I was sitting on the couch, watching Gilmore Girls (kind of going through a phase…), and suddenly I was turned on. I hate that The Boyfriend works night, because it would be nice to have him around for those moments, especially since it’s most likely to happen around about that time… The silence, you know 😉

Last night, The Boyfriend and I had an absolutely delightful night. He had had four nights off, and the first three nights we were both much too tired to do just about anything. Sleep was our main priority. Finally, the fourth night, we didn’t sleep. Well, eventually we did, but not originally 😉

When we started, I didn’t expect that it would carry on long at all. That we’d both probably get distracted and it would just be another make out session. I crawled on top of him on the couch and one thing led to another, and next thing I know, he’s grabbing my hips and literally making me ride him. I was bouncing up and down, and we were both erotically laughing as my head and hair bobbed all over the place. It was fun sex.

Then, we switched to me face down and him on top from behind, vaginally of course (my choice, not his)! He doesn’t know this completely, but I normally go to this position when I’m ready for him to cum, because I know it happens quickly. Whereas when I’m on top, sometimes it can take a really long time. And while I appreciate the hour(s) long sex, I am a Mom of four and when 3 AM rolls around, I start getting pretty worried about how little sleep I’m going to get…

He came fast, as I knew he would, and I hadn’t yet. I had had the flogger earlier in the night (with the intention of flogging him, though the making out started and the flogger kind of got dropped, literally), so while I played with myself, my ass got a nice little flogging. After what seemed like too long of playing and not cumming, I asked The Boyfriend to grab me the purple pussy vibrator.

The piece of crap (I really gotta replace that thing…) finally got used, after months of isolation beneath the night table in my room. It even got a fresh new battery in it. Man oh man, did it ever feel nice grinding against the vibrator as The Boyfriend rhythmically beat my ass with the flogger.

After he was done, he was saying my ass was really red and he could see some welting on the roundest part of my butt. I fell asleep before I looked in the mirror, and of course, the next morning, absolutely nothing. I so badly want a beating that leaves a mark. That hurts the next day when I sit down. That hurts more when it’s happening. We’ve agreed that we’re picking up something less vanilla the next time we get something.

We went out shopping the other day and hit one of our local bookstores. I came across “The Guide to Getting It On”, and was so happy to finally have an educational sex book, and not just erotica. I’ve always, for as long as I can remember, wanted a library filled with nothing but sex, medical and psychology books. Same with, I want a room with a display of decorative glass dildos. I know, what a shame not to use them, but I figure I’ll just buy everyone in a set of two! If only…

I haven’t really read anything but the BDSM section, of course 😉 I was wondering about something after reading it. The book describes a fetish as a reliance on a certain something to achieve arousal. And I know that’s like the medical definition of a fetish, but in the kinky world, is a fetish really like that? I say that I have a foot fetish, because I love love love feet. I think feet are erotic and sexy and upon looking at an extremely beautiful pair of feet, I feel passionate. But I don’t rely on feet (other than the fact that certain positions require them) to achieve arousal. Does that mean that it’s not a fetish then? And if it’s not a fetish, what is it?

I’ve always kind of considered a fetish to be something that you find erotic that “normal” society wouldn’t, like a foot or a food or a material. And I’ve always considered a paraphillia to be the reliance part. And I know that they’re basically one in the same, but I feel like one should sound like less of an abnormality than the other. That way those of us who can still get turned on without the object, aren’t put on the same list of those who can’t and those who “normal” society (and sometimes the person themselves) think need help. I know it sounds like I’m trying to put a label on something that has no need for a label in the first place, but I feel like if there were a separation between the two, fetishes would be more accepted. Assuming anyone agrees with the fetish/paraphillia separation.

I think The Boyfriend and I can officially start looking into going to munches again. The kids are all old enough now that they can safely be left with family, and formula has been bought, plus The Boyfriend is going down to part-time 😉

I’ve been craving some sort of interaction to this world that I keep getting pulled deeper and deeper into. My interests in it just keep expanding the more I experience. The thing that almost scares me, is how much more I want. Like with the floggings. After every flogging, I’m telling The Boyfriend to do it harder next time. Then he does, and I tell him to do it harder. Is it always going to be like this? Never gets hard enough…

It’s like safewords. I’ve never been even slightly close to using a safeword with The Boyfriend. I’ve never even said things like stop or don’t or no more. It’s always been a very manageable pain.

I hope one day I feel completely sexually fulfilled. I hope, before I die, I feel like I know who I am sexually, for sure. No questions about it. Does anyone out there feel completely satisfied with their sexuality?