Tons to write about tonight… From unsanitary stripper hot tubs to the most exciting part of my day, hopefully I’ll be able to keep it together 😉
So first big bit of news, guess what I got today?!?!?!? I’ve been saying I wanted one for years, and guess what folks? I finally got it. That’s right Ladies and Gentlemen, I am officially the proud owner of a laptop. Here I sit, writing this post to you from my brand new HP Mini 10″. Since I’ve never used a laptop before, and am extremely used to the traditional desktop, I am having quite a few issues, from too large of font size to pushing buttons that I shouldn’t be pushing 😉
It took me so long to pick it out, and I kept arguing with myself, “Val, you don’t NEED this.” “Yes, but I’ve wanted it for so long!!!” But then I picked it up and I was like, “Yup, I’m taking this home with me!” I wouldn’t have at all if it wasn’t for The Boyfriend cheering me on, and even helping me with the all important pro/con list. This one was easier to type on than the other one.
So, of course I came home and immediately booted up my brand new laptop. We had gotten The Boyfriend “Red Dead Redemption”, so he was occupied. I got talking to my Sister, and eventually it lead to a new bit of information that Alfie has leaked to me. Apparently, my favorite (and what I used to think was classier) strip club, has now included a hot tub into the list of features they have. I don’t know for sure all what they have, but when I used to go they had two poles, a swing and a shower. Now they supposedly have a bubbly bath.
When Alfie first told me about it, I went into this entire rant about what kind of sanitation guidelines they had to follow and how that one tub was going to be the ruin of the adult industry, because of one strippers unsanitary and contagious sexually transmitted infection/disease.
Then all of a sudden my Sister starts sending me all these little porn clips in MSN. Well, since the whole hatred of The Boyfriend watching porn thing, I haven’t had any desire to have porn anywhere near me. I don’t want to think about other people have sex, and I definitely don’t want to see it. So I hastily ended my conversation with her, and decided to jump on over to ALT.com’s chatrooms and chat with some of the locals.
I’ve recently discovered that I live very close to some of the people in my community. So much so, that when I saw a firecracker go off in front of my house, they heard it from theirs. Conversations were going really really great with everyone until one person decided it was time to cyber and another decided it was time to encourage me to either cheat on or leave The Boyfriend.
And I just feel like neither of those are even close to an option. I can’t imagine breaking up what I have now, what I consider to be my current family, all to satisfy my sexual urges!!! I know that eventually in my life, I need to discover who I am sexually. And if that means that I have to travel on without him, so be it. But I don’t want it to be right now. I feel like I haven’t even gotten the chance to get to know him!!!
I just think I’m incredibly confused. On the one hand, I so desperately want BDSM to become more a part of my life. On the one hand, I so desperately want to be the sexual person I long to be. But on the other hand, well the other hand really has no idea what it wants at all. But the other hand would like a chance to see if this could work out in its favor, before just flipping out and going off with someone else.
I don’t even know if I’d be okay with it if The Boyfriend was like, “It’s alright Val, you go off and discover yourself. I’ll be waiting for you with open arms when you get back.” I just don’t know what I want….
It’d be so different if I didn’t have to constantly think about all these kids. And that was another thing. Someone said because I didn’t take the time to fully discover myself and jumped into the baby thing that it showed a lack of maturity. And I don’t think I agree with that at all.
No offense to almost everyone I know, but I’m more mature than almost anyone I know. I mean, I am a mother of four whose been taking care of my responsibilities with very little help, for the last three years. I’d say that takes a pretty heightened level of maturity. I’m the one who pays the bills and puts food on the table and clothes on their backs. I’m the one whose kept this particular roof over our head for almost three years now!!! I’d say that’s pretty freaking mature of me…
And I’m seriously still waiting for one person to tell me that they have reached the point of absolute sexual satisfaction! I’m only 23, I have at least say 23 more years of experience to gain ahead of me. I don’t think I’m in that dreadful of a situation. Unless 23 is somehow now old, in which case, fuck me!!
Kept going off on statistically. Apparently, statistically, those of us under the age of 25 in a long-term relationship have an 80% fail rate. Believable? Very much so. Apparently, in 5 years it’s unlikely that The Boyfriend and I will even be together. So does that somehow mean that I’m now supposed to forget about his feelings, his existence and just go off and find myself sexually, or do I wait the five years until we’re broken up and then find myself sexually. I mean, I am only 23!!!
It started off as a really good chat night, and then it just turned bad. I don’t go into chatrooms to cyber or be told to break up with my boyfriend. I go into them to chat about what we’re all striving towards. I go into them to find someone else who thinks about what I think about. And I don’t think about cybering!!!!
Well, that’s officially my rant for the night. Things are starting to get blurry as I finish my fourth Smirnoff Ice (One ahead of The Boyfriend ;)) Hopefully I’ll be writing tomorrow about my amazing drunken sexperience tonight 😉
This Week’s Questions
The Rantings of a Tortured Mind 
WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 22: Anal Explorations
Posted: July 7, 2010 in WTMFI WednesdaysTags: Anal Sex, Answers, Anus, Ass, Comments, Condom, Meme, Opinion, Question, sex, Sexual, Sexuality, The Boyfriend, WTMFI Wednesdays
“That’s Tight”
BONUS QUESTION:
What are your thoughts on society’s negative views of anal sex?
RULES
Question 1:
What are your thoughts on anal sex? Have you ever had it?
I have had anal sex (Thank you Boyfriend!), and still have varying thoughts on it. Some days, I’m all for it and think it’s sexy, other days I think it’s risky and dangerous and not something I want to participate in. But like I’ve said here before, I have no problems when it comes to finger penetration. It’s just the penis to anus penetration.
Question 2:
Do you enjoy watching porn with anal sex?
When I was younger than I am now, and first started watching porn, the anal scenes would disgust me. I still cringe when they pull someone’s ass cheeks apart and you just see this huge gaping hole. But I’ve come to accept that it’s going to be there.
The only time I enjoy watching porn with anal sex in it, is when it’s double penetration. I don’t know what it is about watching double penetration, but it turns me on so much and gets me off so fast!
Question 3:
If you’ve had anal sex, what was your first time like? If you haven’t had anal sex and want to, what do you hope for your anal sex experience?
I had attempted to have anal sex many many times before actually successfully having anal sex. And with every boyfriend I had had sex with, we tried anal sex, and every time it would start to hurt too much and I’d tell them to stop.
A couple months after The Boyfriend and I were together, we gave it a try. I was really nervous and he knew it, and in this calm and smooth voice, he gently talked me through it and was very responsive to my body. At any point that I’d even just flinch, he’d go very easy and tell me I was doing great or that I was such a good girl. He was behind me and we were on our sides, and he’d reach up and stroke my back or my hair, and he was just very gentle and very sweet and I became incredibly relaxed. Moments later he was pulling out cumming, and if I remember correctly so was I.
It was amazing and it felt so intimate, instead of kind of dirty like before. We’ve only probably done it once or twice since then, but that first time was incredible.
Question 4:
Do you own any sex toys for anal penetration? If not, do you want to?
No I don’t own any, yes I want to. I’ve always wanted to don a strap-on. And I’ve always wanted to use anal beads on someone else. For use on me, only because I know The Boyfriend wants it, we need to get a dildo so he can be fucking me while using the dildo on my ass. I’d like to get The Boyfriend a cute little butt plug, though I don’t know how into that idea he is. But I’d like to get my vaginal and clitoral toys and some BDSM gear out of the way before making anal purchases.
Question 5:
Do you always use condoms or do you sometimes allow bareback?
I’d like to say that I always used condoms, but it’s just not true. I almost always allow bareback. I’m not worried about getting any STD’s from The Boyfriend, so condoms almost never cross my mind. Lube is an absolute must though, lots of it!!!
BONUS QUESTION:
What are your thoughts on society’s negative views of anal sex?
The same thoughts I have on society’s negative views of sexuality in general. I think it’s bogus and unnecessary. I hate that we’re a society of sexual beings, whether we like it or not, because that’s our biology, and yet it’s still so taboo to talk about sex, or sell sexual products, or own a sexual business, or write a sexual story. Even though it’s been happening for centuries, guys are still all uncomfortable about the idea of anal penetration, because they’re guys. Like I just think we need to be able to be open and honest and communicative and sexual, because that’s how we were designed. We should be allowed to freely express that!